this post was submitted on 30 Apr 2025
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‘I don’t date at all now’: one woman’s journey into the darkest corners of the manosphere (www.theguardian.com)
submitted 4 days ago* (last edited 4 days ago) by HellsBelle@sh.itjust.works to c/world@lemmy.world
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To this day, she remembers the racing thoughts, the instant nausea, the hairs prickling up on her legs, the sweaty palms. She had shared a photograph of herself in her underwear with a boy she trusted and, very soon, it had been sent around the school and across her small home town, Aberystwyth, Wales. She became a local celebrity for all the wrong reasons. Younger kids would approach her laughing and ask for a hug. Members of the men’s football team saw it – and one showed someone who knew Davies’s nan, so that’s how her family found out.

Her book, No One Wants to See Your D*ck, takes a deep dive into the negatives. It covers Davies’s experiences in the digital world – that includes cyberflashing such as all those unsolicited dick pics – as well as the widespread use of her images on pornography sites, escort services, dating apps, sex chats (“Ready for Rape? Role play now!” with her picture alongside it). However, the book also shines a light on the dark online men’s spaces, what they’re saying, the “games” they’re playing. “I wanted to show the reality of what men are doing,” says Davies. “People will say: ‘It’s not all men’ and no, it isn’t, but it also isn’t a small number of weirdos on the dark web in their mum’s basements. These are forums with millions of members on mainstream sites such as Reddit, Discord and 4chan. These are men writing about their wives, their mums, their mate’s daughter, exchanging images, sharing women’s names, socials and contact details, and no one – not one man – is calling them out. They’re patting each other on the back.”

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[–] superniceperson@sh.itjust.works 0 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Oppression Olympics does not excuse racism nor sexism.

Men are not the problem, rapists are. Black people are not the problem, poverty is.

If you can understand one, you can understand the other. If you have a problem with one, you're a bigot, not a victim.

Stop defending bigotry and attack the actual problem, or get lumped in with the rest of the literal nazis saying the same thing you are, just with a different immutable characteristic in its place.

'mexicans are rapists' is the literally exact same rhetoric as 'men are rapists.' there is no difference whatsoever. It is as equally as disgusting. It is as equally wrong.

Men are not the oppressors, they are a gender like any other. Until you understand that you will never change a single thing and will just make the world worse.

[–] Bazoogle@lemmy.world 1 points 3 hours ago

Men are not the problem, rapists are. Black people are not the problem, poverty is.

This line, do you not see how those are different? If these were the same, you would say "Black people are not the problem, thieves are" but poverty (among a hoard of other things) are what make people more like to steal. What causes people to rape? What systematic oppression made them sexually harass a woman? What hardship forced them to cat call that random woman walking by them? What tragedy caused the boss to sexually extort is employee? Do you not see how these are different still?

A government can exponentially reduce theft by taking care of people. People who do not have to worry about food and shelter do not have a need to steal. You may still have mental health issues that may lead to kleptomania or other addictions, but if people are taken care of, they generally have no reason to steal. The solution to theft is not arrest thieves more, it's to get to the root of the problem. It's all about proactive vs reactive.

What does a government do to stop men sexually harassing women? Arresting all the rapists in the world would be reactive, but what is the proactive approach? What stops it from happening in the first place. What is the problem that needs to be solved? Obviously, the problem is not "man" itself. But the problem is 100% among men.

‘mexicans are rapists’ is the literally exact same rhetoric as ‘men are rapists.’ there is no difference whatsoever.

Literally speaking, there is at least one obvious difference. One is a race, and one is a sex. A woman can easily go day after day of being sexually harassed by men. The odds of someone, day in a day out, being sexually harassed by just Mexicans is basically non-existent. Racism is generally caused by ignorance, political manipulation, general biases, or ideas along those lines. It is rarely from a widespread experience. At best, it's rooted in one or two negative experiences they apply widely to the entire race.

Women that have a distrust in men exists solely from countless experiences in every area of life. There is no political manipulation happening to get people to distrust men (because men are the ones with the power), it happens because of the things many men have done to them. While obviously not all men, when it happens frequently enough it does become reasonable to just simply say "men". And it is, indeed, happening that frequently.

Men are not the oppressors, they are a gender like any other

You seriously need to pick up some history books. Or at least read a Wikipedia page.

Stop defending bigotry and attack the actual problem, or get lumped in with the rest of the literal nazis saying the same thing you are

You seriously need a new username. The most I've insulted you is to say you are not being a super nice person, and meanwhile you are calling me (and rape victims, and women who complain about their abusers) bigots and nazis.

You say we need to "attack the actual problem" but what is the actual problem? The problem is not rapists, because the goal is to stop it before they rape. What caused them to rape? What was the root problem that needs to be solved?

Do you not see we need a cultural and societal shift among men? Can you not easily picture the party where the man is trying to sleep with a clearly uninterested woman? Where when someone tries to intervene, the dude gets pissed for being cock blocked, and all his bros are just trying to help him get his "dick wet". Maybe they give her more alcohol, or maybe they peer pressure her more until she feels like she has no other choice. Or maybe, if they're fucked up enough, they just drug her drink. This is happening constantly, and it's super normalized. The problem is the man that was trying to pressure the woman, but it was also the friends encouraging the friend and making him feel entitled to sex. It was also any of the men that saw this happening and didn't step up. The problem was the male role models in those mens life for not showing them how to treat women properly. Men are more likely to listen to other men, so men have to do something about it. That is why people say "men are the problem". Then men continue to be the problem by responding to that with "you fucking bigot nazi"