Ask Lemmy

Kk I actually read your post. Yea that's pretty heartbreaking. Ignore what the other guy said about finding a rebound.

As a guy in a long distance relationship, I understand what your ex means by saying he wished that he treated you better. I always feel that way when we're apart - and I feel like I do better each time we get back together - but you feel that way when you miss someone, not when you already have them there. This is likely why he didn't try harder during the relationship.

I stand by my previous advice to get a new hobby. Go running. Pick up rock climbing. Meet new people - this is a new chapter for you, and you have plenty of opportunity to learn. Put yourself out there and distract yourself, otherwise the thoughts will consume you in waves.

Many of us are commenting from experience. Breakups happen. But they give opportunity to grow in a way that you haven't grown before. You have newfound time to be alone - time previously spent with him. Do something with it.

I think something I’ve learned over the years from several harsh breakups and big time abandonment issues, is that the pain you’re feeling is an actual physiological response to the loss of someone you are chemically bonded to. This is old biology at play, older than civilization, older than our species, because apes and various other animals exhibit grief.

There is no easy way out of it. Your brain has to unravel connections that once provided positive happy chemicals from your proximity to that person. It makes sense, oxytocin and other hormones reinforcing pair and family bonding, as they were once critical to survival. You just have to let it hurt, until it doesn’t anymore. It could take a long time, but one day you’ll be at peace with it.

I haven't read your previous posts. I haven't read the other responses here.

Heartbreak is a kick where it hurts the most. Try to see it as something that reminds you your alive. You're human, you're mortal, this is your experience.

Outside of that, distraction. Pick a new video game and play it through. Everything heals with time.

Hey, I'm going through something very similar rn. She broke up with me about 5 months ago and it still hurts so much. I can't stop thinking about her. You're not alone. I wish I had a cure, but just like you, I don't.

Just remember that good relationships never end in breakups. So you’re mourning the idea of a successful relationship you thought you had or wanted to have (perfectly normal thing to grieve over!), but you can also celebrate that you’re now one major hurdle closer to the right relationship.

It’s a fresh start and now you’re armed with a whole lot more knowledge about what your boundaries should be, what to look for (or out for) next time.

Basically, the glass is half full! In fact, it’s more full than empty if you really take stock.

Ditch everything and go protest in California for a week.

Guaranteed to refresh your mind. Tear gas is very exfoliating and you will get in some cardio.

Seriously, though, change where you are. Go on a little vacation, get away for a bit.

I just dealing with something akin of that. I have her at my left right now choosing photos of a Paris trip I was not in. Want to tell me your story I tell you mine? Sometimes talking about it makes it heal at least a little.

Exist in and feel those emotions, and then let them go as much as you can. As others have said, time will heal this wound. Don't run into the arms of someone else or try to numb this pain; it's important you feel it. Rushing into another relationship will only bury this pain by putting you in an unhealthy situation; numbing it will only lead to bad decisions and possible substance abuse. Let yourself feel this way, as horrible as it feels, and understand that it won't be forever.

You will be okay, and to be honest you will probably be more than okay. In a period that seems impossibly long now but laughably short at the end of this, you will become a better, stronger, and healthier person with a greater capacity to love and the wisdom of who better to give that love to. It is difficult, but you will survive. And then you will thrive. Love yourself and ride this out. You got this.