The puffer fish is Bash
this post was submitted on 08 Jun 2025
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Yep, it's the one starting everything.
And doing nothing else. And still something manages to no be right.
Rust is still in the locker room having an argument with their coach (borrow checker).
C++ is home sick, currently the doctor (compiler) is not sure whether it's got the flu or a terminal cancer.
terminal cancer
"I'm sorry, you've been diagnosed with :(){:|:&};:"
"You have a couple seconds to live."
Rust isn't shown because it's already completed the course
Labelling the crab as C is sure to ruffle some exoskeletons..
As at least one nautically themed childrens' book surely has it: C is for crab.
Coming at programming sideways feels more like a Haskell or Prolog thing, though.
Apple is for ADA
Ball is for BASH
Crab is for C
Dog is for D
Elephant is for Ecsmascript
Fox is for F#
Goat is for Go
House is for Haskell
Igloo is for
...okay I got stuck there.
Java has Duke
Ugh, I accidentally got a fake transparent background. Oh well.
Branding fail so bad that everyone forgets that Java even has a mascot.
There are dozens of us! Millions of devices and dozens of us know about Duke!
Fun fact, Duke is released to the public. I forget in what way exactly, but Oracle freed them (him? it?).
Igloo is for Idris
Jigsaw is for Java
King is for Kotlin
Lion is for LUA
Monkey is for ...
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Not a word of a lie, I saw a "segmentation fault" error in JavaScript.
Can't remember how we resolved it, but it did blow my mind.
Technically any language runtime can end in a segmentation fault.
For some languages, in principle this shouldn't be possible, but the runtimes can have bugs and/or you are calling libraries that do some native code at some point.
I have seen a Java program I wrote terminate with SIGSEGV. I think a library was causing it.
Yup, can confirm. We had a wrapper to a C++ library using JNI, so whenever this library crashed so did the entire JVM.
Ive also seen this, but not from js but node
Why is the crab not Rust. This is outrageous, it’s unfair
Rust would be some borrow checker compile error like
borrowed data escapes outside of associated function
argument requires that `'1` must outlive `'static`
rust errors are funny if you don't know rust
News at Ten: Borrowed Data Escapes Outside of Associated Function
Those also happen to be errors you'd typically run into, if you don't yet really know Rust...
I do run into them even though I use Rust for ~3 years now, but only in non-obvious cases, e. g. when all references to the borrowed data are dropped before the end of the function.
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I find it funny that the pufferfish blows up at its own gunshot
Rust: Downloading 7390327 crates...
I feel like Rust would be some complaint from the compiler saying that some apparently unrelated struct can't be Send/Sync for some inscrutable reason. Or something about pinning a future.
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Why is openbsd the referee?
C trying to take the shortest path to the goal.
Would probably have won (and broken the universe), if the referee didn't exist.
Python is being even smarter by trying to underflow the distance to the finish line.
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