The Onion and other satire w/ layers

Reconsidering his recent departure from Washington as the words ‘YOU DIED’ appeared once more on his screen, billionaire Elon Musk reportedly weighed a return to politics Monday after his 60th death on the tutorial level of Elden Ring Nightreign. “Seems like these enemies are glitched to be unkillable—maybe I should stop back by the DOGE offices until the devs roll out a patch to fix these hitboxes,” Musk said as he waited to respawn for another attempt, with eyewitnesses reporting that he had died against a weak, sluggish enemy intended only to teach him the basics of lock-on targeting. [...]