this post was submitted on 30 Apr 2025
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To this day, she remembers the racing thoughts, the instant nausea, the hairs prickling up on her legs, the sweaty palms. She had shared a photograph of herself in her underwear with a boy she trusted and, very soon, it had been sent around the school and across her small home town, Aberystwyth, Wales. She became a local celebrity for all the wrong reasons. Younger kids would approach her laughing and ask for a hug. Members of the men’s football team saw it – and one showed someone who knew Davies’s nan, so that’s how her family found out.

Her book, No One Wants to See Your D*ck, takes a deep dive into the negatives. It covers Davies’s experiences in the digital world – that includes cyberflashing such as all those unsolicited dick pics – as well as the widespread use of her images on pornography sites, escort services, dating apps, sex chats (“Ready for Rape? Role play now!” with her picture alongside it). However, the book also shines a light on the dark online men’s spaces, what they’re saying, the “games” they’re playing. “I wanted to show the reality of what men are doing,” says Davies. “People will say: ‘It’s not all men’ and no, it isn’t, but it also isn’t a small number of weirdos on the dark web in their mum’s basements. These are forums with millions of members on mainstream sites such as Reddit, Discord and 4chan. These are men writing about their wives, their mums, their mate’s daughter, exchanging images, sharing women’s names, socials and contact details, and no one – not one man – is calling them out. They’re patting each other on the back.”

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[–] damdy@lemm.ee 30 points 21 hours ago (2 children)

I feel like I'm in a different universe to most people. Only chance I get to call anyone out for anything is littering and playing music loudly in public. Honestly feels like confirmation bias, but I'm sure I'm wrong.

[–] CanadaPlus@lemmy.sdf.org 21 points 21 hours ago* (last edited 21 hours ago) (1 children)

I mean, if you went to 4chan you could presumably call out more, but it'd be kind of like yelling into a hurricane. Toxicity is self-concentrating in really anonymous online spaces.

IRL bigots tend to hide their shit from non-target non-bigots.

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[–] Etterra@discuss.online 27 points 21 hours ago (25 children)

It's insane to me that the greatest threat to women is dating men. Who the hell is raising these guys? Even in my worst days I never blamed women for my dating problems - I blamed myself. Therapy helped with that problem though. But the motives of mass misogyny are just opaque to me. Sort your shit guys, don't be a bastard.

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[–] randomname@sh.itjust.works 20 points 22 hours ago (9 children)

99% of men are disgusted by this type of thing, but with billions of people and instant communication. this type of thing is bound to pop up. and because normal people aren't looking at this type of thing, they're echo chambers of degeneracy. but it really bothers me when people use sex based generalizations for things like this. millions of people isn't very much on a global scale.

[–] Guns0rWeD13@lemmy.world 17 points 21 hours ago (1 children)

99% of men are disgusted by this type of thing

wow. naive.

[–] CanadaPlus@lemmy.sdf.org 17 points 21 hours ago (2 children)

Yeah, these days I'm thinking it might actually be a double digit percentage that's onboard. The manosphere has enough reach to affect elections now, which I did not see coming.

[–] ameancow@lemmy.world 10 points 17 hours ago* (last edited 17 hours ago) (1 children)

I get called a conspiracist for linking the actual reports and investigations into this, but this was by design.

Almost every authoritarian/fascist uprising on record has started with the indoctrination and isolation of young, sexually insecure, lonely men who feel disenfranchised with the system because they're depressed, horny and have mixed-up ideas how to be liked by others. It's incredibly easy to peel off a massive chunk of this population and get them to start blaming the government, society broadly, science, knowledge, literally anything but their own need to improve their social skills and gain some emotional intelligence.

These are our dumbest, angriest, loudest men, and thus become the major influencing factor on their peers, online and off. They set the tone and everyone else just kind of goes along with it, or leaves them to grow and gain power in peace.

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[–] Guns0rWeD13@lemmy.world 8 points 21 hours ago

i did. saw it in 2016 and had a hunch before that.

the only thing that shocks me anymore is how naive most of you are.

[–] Bazoogle@lemmy.world 12 points 21 hours ago (3 children)

As a man, it's also reasonable to say this is nearly non existent among women. Does it happen? Of course. But not nearly to the scale it happens among men.

It's moreso a matter of semantics. If someone says "Men are disgusting", you don't have to take it literally. It's conveying the meaning that there is a large enough amount of men that are doing this that it is a massive problem in nearly every woman's life. The saying would be a bit less valid if it was so extremely prevalent. But as it stands, I can go up to just about any young woman, and they more than likely would have (at least) been sexually harassed by a man.

So sure, with as many people as there are, it's "bound to pop up" but saying it that way seems to undermine just how prevalent it is. And correcting a statement that expresses the sentiment that this is a large problem by saying "But not all men are bad" is counterproductive. They are talking about the systematic issue among men. You could instead respond with "Yea, we need systematic changes" or something along the lines that address the concern they are raising.

[–] ubergeek@lemmy.today 7 points 21 hours ago

But as it stands, I can go up to just about any young woman, and they more than likely would have (at least) been sexually harassed by a man.

Thats's most certainly accurate, since in the US, 1 in 5 women have been raped over the course of their lives.

So, Sexual harassment would be far more likely. I'd guess, 4 in 5 women, if not 5 outta 5.

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[–] PoPoP@lemm.ee 4 points 17 hours ago* (last edited 17 hours ago) (1 children)

no one – not one man – is calling them out. They’re patting each other on the back.

being surprised by this makes no sense, it's like expecting people at a Hitler convention to call each other out for liking Hitler

edit: if you expect anything but the worst from users of reddit, discord, and 4chan, you're insane.

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[–] T00l_shed@lemmy.world 22 points 1 day ago (2 children)

If anyone is unsure why women would chose the bear...

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[–] F_OFF_Reddit@lemmy.world 34 points 1 day ago (9 children)

Sending unwarranted dick picks should get you a sizeable fine, maybe 600 bucks and a 2 year registry in a sex offender list.

Give you a choice to stop fucking up and if you escalate and keep doing it then things get worse for oyu.

[–] rumba@lemmy.zip 17 points 1 day ago (5 children)

Unsolicited naked pics have no place in society. We're not talking porn here, we're talking Joe sending a picture of his schlong to Mary like she is going to be ohh yeah let's do that.

People with that mindset are seriously damaging other people. They're the reason women are afraid to go on walks at dusk.

The penalty for that deserves some staying power. You're on the list; to get off the list, you need counseling and a psych eval. I'd go so far as to say mandatory house arrest until you get the counseling and eval.

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