this post was submitted on 20 Apr 2025
14 points (75.0% liked)

Relationship Advice

2834 readers
78 users here now

Welcome to the Relationship Advice community on Lemmy and Kbin!

The ideal place to ask for help with your relationships: romantic, friendships, we don't know what we are yet, co-workers or just human interactions in general.

Please make sure you read our rules before posting.

Rules:

Rules can be clicked on to be expanded.

1: Treat all users with respect. [!]

The goal of this community is helping OP and readers, not making fun of them. We are an inclusive community, any sort of disrespect towards ethnicity, sexual orientation, religion, etc, will not be tolerated.

2: Mark sexual content as NSFW. [!]

Posts containing mentions or descriptions of sexual topics must be tagged as NSFW. This includes descriptions of sexual acts, requests for advice in the bedroom, explicit descriptions of your body and similar content.

3: All posts must be a request for advice.

All posts must be phrased as a request for advice or as a question. Sharing of stories, personal anecdotes, or past mistakes are only allowed if they're followed by a clear and relevant request for advice with the situation.

4: Provide sufficient and relevant information.

Your title and body need to contain enough information relevant to your situation, such as ages, genders, and the relationship between people mentioned. For privacy-related concerns, we recommend using fake names and broad general locations.

5: Comments must be on topic and relevant to OP.

Comments must be directly related to helping OP, asking for more information, providing relevant resources or otherwise relevant to the thread. Off-topic comments and remarks, suspicious attempts at gathering personal data from OP or other readers, or bullying will not be tolerated.

6: This is a community for requesting advice, not moral judgement.

Moral judgements, "AITA?" and other similar questions are better served by different communities.

Reddit reposts are allowed.

As a temporary measure and the result of a poll, Reddit reposts are allowed following an expanded set of rules: https://lemmy.world/post/317115

How are rules enforced and bans applied?

For the most part, this community operates under the assumption that users are acting in good faith and should be given second-chances for their mistakes. Posts and comments with very light rule violations, or otherwise undesired but mostly harmless content, can be removed by a moderator on a case by case basis without any further punitive actions.

For violations of our rules, we follow a “3 strike” system as follows:

  • 1st violation: 72 hours ban + moderator warning via PMs.

  • 2nd violation: 1 week ~ 1 month ban + final warning via PMs.

  • 3rd violation: 1 month ~ permanent ban.

The goal of this system is making sure users are made aware of their behavior before being permanently banned, but also protecting the community from any rule violations.

Exceptions:

While the “3 strike” system will be applied to the majority of situations, rules marked with a [!] in the sidebar signifies a rule that, if violated in an intentional, malicious or significant way, can warrant an immediate permanent ban regardless of the number of previous violations. This includes severe disrespect to users or groups, dangerous content, and similar.

Related communities:

founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
kadup@lemmy.world
14
My abuelo doesn’t understand my mental health, friend defends him (sh.itjust.works)
submitted 3 days ago by CraigCabbage@sh.itjust.works to c/relationship_advice@lemmy.world
4 comments fedilink hide all child comments
 

My grandpa doesn’t understand how hard it is for me to get up in the morning, to not hyperfixate, to not be emotionally unstable.

My friend says it’s normal for him to be like that and makes excuses and defenses for him.

top 4 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] sc2pirate@lemmy.world 21 points 3 days ago (1 children)

I don't know anything about your life or situation so please take this with a massive grain of salt.

Your grandpa may be a victim of a time when men were absolutely not allowed to have mental health struggles.

Seriously, I know some of us can't even fathom that, but it simply wasn't allowed.

There was no understanding, there was no conversation, and if you attempted to discuss the subject you would be met with very abrasive and inaccurate advice that is the equivalent of "suck it up" or "anxiety and depression are made up" as I am sure you have seen a lot of this still exists today.

I know this isn't advice on how to repair or improve the relationship, but it might give you some small insight as to why he may be reacting this way. We may not be able to fix the older generations (not that we should give up), but if we keep normalizing talking about our struggles maybe the next generation will be healthier than us. It's a small move, but in my life so far I feel like I have seen changes I never would have thought possible in adult men mental health.

Source: not a grandpa, but I make a lot of noise when I stand up from a comfortable chair.

[–] jdnewmil@lemmy.ca 2 points 3 days ago

When the choice is getting on with life or starving to death, you tend to become focused on the basics. Whether this is an improvement may be debatable (sublimation?), but sometimes life is harsh. Grandpa might have faced similar mental problems when he was young, and had no choice but to ignore them and may simply perceive that problem differently.

I, too, am not a spring chicken, so add whatever salt you like to this description. But I do think that there are a lot of hungry people around the world willing to ignore their own troubles and steal your lucky spot regardless of your mental state.

The cheeto thinks he can build walls to keep those hungry people at bay... but rather than letting them migrate to start at the bottom in the land of opportunity I think his approach is just going to end up with all of us doing more dirty work on our respective sides of the walls... possibly much sooner than we would like. Beware you don't end up out-competed in the rat race while you grapple with your internal demons.

[–] UrPartnerInCrime@sh.itjust.works 5 points 3 days ago

Honestly, that attitude of his is holding down who knows how much trauma. If he let's down his walls and starts feeling things now, who knows how much is going to flood out. Guarantee it's way more than you expect

Luckily we've been raised in a time where we could express our emotions, at least to some extent. He never could. Men had a standard to live up to. Crying wasn't something allowed.

Not saying it's right. Not saying it should be tolerated. But I've come to accept it's just a product of the times and work my way around that.

Wish I had better advice on how to overcome that.

[–] hendrik@palaver.p3x.de 2 points 3 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago)

Maybe your friend is right? Don't we all regularly fail to empathize with people? I don't get why people vote for certain people, I don't know 100% how it feels to be a woman, someone else... I don't know how an ilness feels if I never had it... That's perfectly normal. The thing hat matters if we respect such people (despite not understanding them).