this post was submitted on 01 Mar 2025
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Programmer Humor

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Probably not a good title to seek upvotes. If it does get upvotes, more programmers get share in your pain 😅

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[–] wwb4itcgas@lemm.ee 1 points 1 day ago

You... grinds teeth may... have a point.

[–] zea_64@lemmy.blahaj.zone 143 points 1 week ago (2 children)

I thought the joke here was that your unbalanced parentheses would make me angry (they did))

[–] johntash@eviltoast.org 30 points 1 week ago

... is that not the point of the title?

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[–] sleep_deprived@lemmy.dbzer0.com 83 points 1 week ago (1 children)

I have this great idea for an app, we can go 70/30 on it! 70 for me because the idea is the hardest part after all. So basically it's Twitter plus Facebook plus Tinder with a built in MMO. You can get that done in a couple weeks, should be pretty easy right?

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[–] towerful@programming.dev 72 points 1 week ago (2 children)
[–] darvit@lemmy.darvit.nl 15 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Actually it's [object Object]

[–] towerful@programming.dev 10 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Ah, piss. So it is.
I'm going to blame it on autocorrect, even though we both know I just got it wrong

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[–] xmunk@sh.itjust.works 58 points 1 week ago (12 children)

Figure out if they prefer spaces or tabs, insist on the other.

Please note this won't work on Pythonistas as they've already had their spirit thoroughly broken.

[–] fmstrat@lemmy.nowsci.com 2 points 4 days ago

Tabs set at 1 space.

[–] MajorHavoc@programming.dev 21 points 1 week ago

A haiku for you:

Tabs or four spaces

Never a semicolon

Broken in spirit

[–] Reptorian@programming.dev 13 points 1 week ago (1 children)

What if you use tabs for indentations and space for alignment?

[–] xmunk@sh.itjust.works 9 points 1 week ago (1 children)

It's alright... but have you considered spaces for indentation and tabs for alignment?

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[–] itsathursday@lemmy.world 50 points 1 week ago

You guys are too slow, we need to hire more of you and let the sales teams use AI to add features the client asks without waiting for you.

AI can code now, in 2 mins I can create an app, so it shouldn’t take you long to make changes to this 10year old product.

[–] Molten_Moron@lemmings.world 48 points 1 week ago (5 children)

Html is a programming language.

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[–] troyunrau@lemmy.ca 41 points 1 week ago (4 children)

Insist they index from 1. Like God and Fortran intended it. ;)

[–] deadbeef79000@lemmy.nz 8 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Fuck C and it's lazy shit pointer arithmetic array indexing shortcut. I.e. you just add the index × size(t) to the array pointer.

Bounds checking? We've heard of it.

[–] Naich@lemmings.world 7 points 1 week ago (2 children)

so what if it's 100x slower /nosarc

[–] deadbeef79000@lemmy.nz 15 points 1 week ago (2 children)

Like riding a motorcycle in a tee shirt and shorts.

[–] BigDanishGuy@sh.itjust.works 12 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (3 children)

And sun glasses, don't forget the aviators.

While Mr "I can't code without a garbage collector" is still putting on his backplate of "oh no pointers are bad" and a duck typed full face helmet, to ride his interpreted moped, the big boys, Mr C-ool and Mr ASSembly, are already downing grain alcohol at the finish line.

But then again I really don't like to step out of my embedded RTOS bubble. It really depends on what you want to accomplish and how complicated your system is.

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[–] Darohan@lemmy.zip 37 points 1 week ago (2 children)

Replace a semicolon (;) with a Greek Question mark (;), provided they're working in a language that uses semicolons at the end of every line, and their IDE doesn't highlight the difference (which some do now)

Fun fact, Rust has a special error message for this:

Unicode character ';' (Greek Question Mark) looks like a semicolon, but it is not.

It also detects other potentially confusing Unicode characters, like the division slash which looks like /.

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[–] maxmalrichtig@discuss.tchncs.de 28 points 1 week ago (1 children)

I mean, the headline of this post already makes me irrationally angry. 😂

Y u no close brackets!?

[–] drislands@lemmy.world 11 points 1 week ago

I think that's the joke, Clyde!

[–] hooferboof@lemmy.world 28 points 1 week ago (3 children)

#define if while #define true false

[–] kionay@lemmy.world 6 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Or a classic:

#define true (rand() % 2)
#define false (rand() % 2)
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[–] fargeol@lemmy.world 24 points 1 week ago
[–] Croquette@sh.itjust.works 22 points 1 week ago

I work as an embedded developer and when a new board is produced and half tested, every one expects fully functional code off the bat, right away.

Motherfucker, you didn't even qualify your hardware and you expect my code, that hasn't hit the new board, to be 100% functional, based on your mind map? We will find hardware issues that will inevitably be blamed on the code and spend hours "debugging" the code to eventually find out the hardware is shit.

[–] Solemarc@lemmy.world 21 points 1 week ago (1 children)

"we're just trying to display why is this so hard? It's a ten minute job!"

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[–] Hammerheart@programming.dev 19 points 1 week ago (3 children)

short variable names, and the only vowel is 'i'

[–] logging_strict@programming.dev 1 points 6 days ago* (last edited 6 days ago)
from multiprocessing import Lock
l = Lock()

flake8 .... way too ambiguous

[–] tiredofsametab@fedia.io 8 points 1 week ago

I inherited an old Japanese codebase. Tons of stuff was just single-letter variables. Apparently, this used to be at least somewhat common here. I spent a lot of time just updating code to replace vars with something meaningful (and found bonus bugs due to improper scoping with same var names as a bonus). Didn't have an IDE that would easily do it for me at the time and running something like sed felt too risky.

[–] LuxSpark@lemmy.cafe 14 points 1 week ago (1 children)
[–] Albbi@lemmy.ca 8 points 1 week ago

You have no power here! I use a standing desk.

[–] lvxferre@mander.xyz 13 points 1 week ago

Correctly highlight when a programmer is being assumptive as a brick, even when assumptions are one of the biggest sins in programming. Done, you've triggered a lot of programmers.

[–] bitcrafter@programming.dev 12 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (1 children)
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[–] Simulation6@sopuli.xyz 11 points 1 week ago

Micromanagement to speed up product release date. Daily meeting and status reports, work breakout categories such as ‘code design’, ‘code development’, ‘code documentation’, etc,etc (flash back gif of Apache helicopters flying over a jungle

[–] F04118F 9 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago)

Make them do project management.

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