this post was submitted on 24 Feb 2025
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traaaaaaannnnnnnnnns

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[–] tgm@lemmy.world 3 points 5 hours ago

I use 'man' kinda like 'guy' sometimes and my biggest fear is to accidentally refer to one of my friends (or any mtf) as 'man'.

[–] dylanmorgan@slrpnk.net 12 points 15 hours ago (1 children)

OH MY GOD.

"M'LADY" IS ACTUALLY APPROPRIATE IN THIS SITUATION.

[–] Maultasche@lemmy.world 5 points 14 hours ago (1 children)

What if I don't have a shitty hat to tip?

[–] Zorque@lemmy.world 7 points 13 hours ago

Then you'll have to stop using deodorant.

[–] ada@lemmy.blahaj.zone 13 points 17 hours ago* (last edited 17 hours ago) (1 children)

I don't like ma'am, but mostly because somewhere along the line it stopped being miss (unless I'm trying to buy something, and then it's often still miss). Ma'am is a reminder that I'm old :P

[–] JasminIstMuede@lemmy.blahaj.zone 3 points 17 hours ago (2 children)

So sorry for the dumb question, but is ma'am tied to age? I've always used it on trips because I was taught in school that ma'am is correct formal English 😅

[–] ada@lemmy.blahaj.zone 5 points 14 hours ago (1 children)

Basically, ma'am and miss are used for women in general, but miss is never used to mean "older woman" and ma'am is never used to mean "young woman"

[–] JasminIstMuede@lemmy.blahaj.zone 1 points 32 minutes ago

Ok thank you :D
Is one better to use in a business context? Or is there something more gender neutral that sounds natural?

[–] kayzeekayzee@lemmy.blahaj.zone 6 points 16 hours ago (1 children)

I think different regions have their own customs, since there isn't really any universal standard for this sort of thing. From what I've seen living in New England, most people don't use the honorifics at all and just refer to people by name or as "you". The only time I get called "sir" or "ma'am" is by older people working in retail (and half the time they get it wrong, which never feels good)

[–] Catpurple@lemmy.blahaj.zone 3 points 16 hours ago (1 children)

I work retail in a state in New England. My experiences have been getting sirred (and occasionally ma'amed when I am turned away, which is better than nothing) by customers asking for directions all the time. Constantly, and not just by older folk. Maybe it's a cognitive bias that I'm not recognizing, and my area is more like you described and I've just been unlucky, but I hate it so much either way.

[–] kayzeekayzee@lemmy.blahaj.zone 1 points 13 hours ago

I also don't go out much, so I might be biased lol

[–] pennomi@lemmy.world 10 points 19 hours ago (1 children)

I mean I call my woman friends “man” or “dude” or “guys” all the time… those words have become fairly gender neutral in casual conversation. But I try to be a lot more careful around trans women, they deserve to know I believe in them.

[–] ada@lemmy.blahaj.zone 7 points 17 hours ago (1 children)

They're gender neutral in the same way "man" can be used instead of "human". Which is to say it's not gender neutral at all, it's a sexism so deeply entrenched that it's completely normalised and often invisible. It's called "male as the default".

So, even if you don't see the issue, it is there, and many people are not ok with that, so you really should make sure that your gender diverse friends are genuinely comfortable with the terms, because it's often hard for trans folk to push back against their friends using terms like that, for fear of being seen as difficult/precious etc.

[–] pennomi@lemmy.world 2 points 16 hours ago (2 children)

Yeah no worries, my friends are cool with it. If they weren’t obviously I’d say something else.

You wouldn’t really see these kinds of issues with my friends anyway. Because Spanish is inherently a gendered language, it’s not a deep cultural issue like it is to English folks.

[–] thatonecoder@lemmy.ca 3 points 16 hours ago

Keep in mind that grammatical gender !/ gender. So, you can use Ella for men, because "Ella (la persona) es bonita"

[–] ada@lemmy.blahaj.zone 1 points 14 hours ago

Ah, por supuesto! Pero, lenguaje de genero neutro es un poco dificil.

[–] genevieve@lemmy.blahaj.zone 3 points 18 hours ago

The British pronunciation, which is closer to how North Americans say “mom” except with crisper consonants, works.

[–] SpaceNoodle@lemmy.world 3 points 18 hours ago

That's even worse, she'd think you called her "Adam"

[–] wizzwizz4@fosstodon.org 2 points 18 hours ago* (last edited 17 hours ago) (1 children)

Pronouncing "ma'am" with the vowel sound from "are" might help reduce the ambiguity.

[–] RavindraNemandi@ttrpg.network 2 points 9 hours ago