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No matter how hard I try, I just can't make my family understand I can't afford their lifestyle when I visit (lemmy.world)

submitted 1 day ago by spirinolas@lemmy.world to c/goodoffmychest@lemmy.world

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I live in a poorer country where I live with less than 10k a year. It's low but since my country is generally less expensive I can live (and vacation) there with some comfort as long as I don't go crazy. I'm a frugal person so I don't miss out on anything.

My sister and brother-in-law went to live in Europe and they are doing very well. Together they easily make 200k. I'm happy for them.

The problem starts when I visit. The country they live in is far more expensive than mine. It isn't always a problem since I don't have to pay for accommodation and cooking at home is sustainable. The problem is they always want to eat out and do expensive activities (for my standards). And they always leave out the price until it's time to pay since the price is meaningless for them. At first they would chip in until my brother-in-law started pulling "it's your turn to pay now". Imagine being given a dinner tab that is almost as much as your monthly paycheck.

Visiting has become stressing as hell, when I should be relaxing. I tried to talk about it, that eating at home would be more affordable for me, but they quickly go back to old habits. At this point I just decided it's not worth it to visit anymore and blow my year savings in a few days. They're not happy and, as much as I try, I can't make them understand how much money I make. They can't understand you can't buy 100 euro meals everyday when you earn less than a 200 a week.

It's also not much better when they visit our country but at least I know what prices to expect and since I'm home I can find an excuse to ditch them.

Maybe we have just grown appart and that's that.

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[–] Qwazpoi@lemmy.world 7 points 1 day ago

Honestly I think you should just be kind of straightforward with them and let them know that at home you were doing fine but once you are over there you're basically going through a Year's worth of savings eating out like that. I would say to be clear with them on that point and as long as you've gotten that through then that's what you needed to get through to them.

Maybe they will have time to think about it and realize the situation they are putting you in or maybe they won't. Either way you shouldn't need to overspend to be around them.

If they realize what's going on and change then good, you will be able to continue to see them and have them in your life, but if not I think it's probably best to just keep the relationship long distance with them.