this post was submitted on 04 Aug 2025
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I (24F) met a guy (37M) at a party half a year ago. He’s Japanese and I am an Indian living in Japan. We talked and exchanged socials but that was about it. After that we met in several other occasions, organized by mutual friends and a lot of times he invited me to various events too. I never really thought much about it because the age gap between us is insanely high.

A week ago he asked me if I am free and would like to go to a cafe with him. He didn’t say it was a date but i kinda think it was. This was our first opportunity to actually get to know more about each other’s personal life. I asked him about his job, he told me that he handles his parent’s real estate company and is quite rich. But he feels like his job is not very rewarding so he wants to go to abroad. I asked him if he is planning to get married so he said he feels it is still to early for him to get married. Then he asked me why i am not dating anybody yet. I told him i was too busy to date anyone but now that i have found a job, I will move to a new city and look for a suitable partner there. I am also planning to have a lot of children so I don’t want to delay it a lot. He said he also wants to have many children, but he didn’t seem bothered at all with his age being much higher than mine. Anyways, i think i made it pretty clear that i am only planning to look for a boyfriend in the city i am moving to, while he said he’s planning to stay closer to his family in this city and go abroad temporarily.

He still paid for everything that we ate and asked me out on a date again.

My question is, if he knows that I am leaving this city in two months and not planning to date anyone here, then is it safe to assume he asked me out again because he wants to sleep with me? I do not want to sleep with him, i am definitely physically attracted to him because he’s very handsome but i am a virgin and i want my first time to be with a long term partner atleast.

Is there any comfortable way to bring up this topic without making me sound like a narcissist who assumed a guy wants to sleep with her just because he asked her out🥲.

Please help me out

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[–] angelmountain 13 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago) (1 children)

Might sound like a crazy take, but if you just make sure you (only) do what you want and are clear about your intentions towards him, you should be fine.

If you want to have a drink from some casual company until you leave - do that.

If you want some steamy sexy time for one night and then leave - again, do that.

If you really like the guy and might actually consider some sort of longer relationship - guess what, do that.

Just be clear and honest, towards him and yourself. That way he can decide what he wants from you.

And as all engineers know: assumption is the mother of all f*ck-ups, so avoid those at all cost.

[–] arumi@endlesstalk.org 4 points 2 days ago (1 children)

I totally understand your point!! But in the past, it has happened quite often with my Japanese friends that they assumed I am giving them hint that I want to sleep with them, only because I gave them a goodbye hug. All of these guys were closer to my age. But I do that to all of my friends from every nationality regardless of gender. I stopped doing that with any japanese friends tho, including this guy, I just shaked his hand and said goodbye.

[–] angelmountain 1 points 12 hours ago

I understand this makes you unsure, but I really think this would be a perfectly normal question to him: "Hey, I really enjoy your company, but I have noticed in the past with other Japanese friends that they sometimes have mistaken a hug for me asking for more. How do you see that?"

Especially with him being an older guy (which generally means a bit less insecure and more mature) I would expect this to be a good start for an honest conversation.

I hope it does work out the way you want!