this post was submitted on 28 Jun 2025
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My Dad.
He was verbally and physically abusive, extremely manipulative. He is currently dieing in prison serving out a 25 year sentence for attempted rape and abduction.
I got a DNA test done and then sent the results to all of the forensic genealogy groups because I'm pretty sure he has victims out there.
I'm really sorry you didn't get the dad you deserved. No child should experience that. Have you found !dadforaminute@lemmy.world it's great for when you need dad advice or a pep talk
No worries, I learned how to be a good father and have raised my children to be better then me.
I love that you've learned how important a good dad is and you're making damn sure you're it
I'm totally sure you are a great dad, and kudos to you for that, dear random internet stranger. Congrats on being the one mature and wise enough to end the cycle of abuse, not to follow it. You don't wanna know how often the latter is the case.
When I was a kid I learned about the "cycle of abuse" I was so sure I would end up like my dad, I started drinking hevely at around 12 and lagit intended to not live long enough to ever be a parent, then after a fairly shitty youth I decided it was time to kill myself or try and fix shit, I had already lost 2 brothers to suicide so I knew the effect that had on the people left behind so I joined the Army reserves and started trying to fix my shit, I thought I was doin pretty good at 27, so I let my then wife talk me into us haveing a baby, my son was born and I dedicated myself to being the best father I could, but wasnt till I was 40 that I started working on mental health (thanks to current wife) my life has had a lot of super not great, but im here and still working on being a good parent.
I know it means shit, but i'm proud of you dude :) It takes a lot to not only ackowledge the existence of the fucking circle, but also to decide against a kid first to protect it (which already was a good sign hm?). And it rocks you didn't pull through with the suicide-shit. Dunno where you're from, but in my generation here, mental health is not a thing. Female mental health is "tsk, weak women lol" but men? oh my. Men do not have mental problems. I'm glad the younger generations aren't that dumb anymore. So yeah, 40 is still a good time to get started and probably still early for men our age :(
I understand why you didn't wanna have kids/feared having some. I too, did not (and now too old for one). I also feared I'd be a horrible dad, but probably I wouldn't have been. Who knows. I just didn't want to find out IF. It wouldn't have been the kid's fault.