this post was submitted on 06 Jun 2025
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Mental Health

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What is actual forgiveness and why am I expected to? (thelemmy.club)
submitted 1 week ago by relation_anon4238@thelemmy.club to c/mentalhealth@lemmy.world
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The things I hear a lot are that an abuser or bully was just a kid, that she isn’t a bad person and that I’m being judgemental for saying something so mean just because I’m angry, that no one can be truly bad, that I have to forgive her, et cetera.

What actually is forgiveness? Do I have to forgive her? Sure, maybe no one can be truly bad, maybe she’s not a bad person, but I am angry. I am not saying this to her face.

Also, she knows what she’s doing and intentionally hurts others for pleasure. In my opinion, maybe not yours, that does make her a bad person. If she changes and stops it, then she isn’t a bad person anymore, but she was when I knew her.

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[–] limer@lemmy.dbzer0.com 5 points 1 week ago

All too often I had people ask me find understanding and peace that way. To see how humans worked when broken.

And it helped in a similar way to if a rock fell on my leg, a geologist could tell me of how it tumbled down by erosion. But such knowledge did not help my leg to recover faster. And no self respecting geologist would tell me to empathize with the hill, much less try to convince me to take the cast off in sympathy to the moved dirt.

Yet some people tried just that with the humans who hurt me and with my emotional bruising.

It’s good to know we are all born innocent, but don’t let it get in the way