this post was submitted on 29 Apr 2025
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[Women Only Community Men Please Don't Comment] Men In Replies (lemmus.org)
submitted 3 days ago* (last edited 3 days ago) by Greercase@lemmus.org to c/WomensStuff@lazysoci.al
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I've been more active in online spaces recently and I am just astounded at the number of times I'll be several comments deep with another person and a man will just jump in responding to us both with the least relevant most inflammatory take. The gender of the person I'm talking to is never relevant, but it's always a guy that interjects. I know the internet is a public forum, and I guess there's more guys on some platforms than women, but it's just shocking how often it has happened. We'll be talking about baking and some guy will come in and say that it actually costs more to bake bread at home or clothes and some guy will come in to say actually both our styles are bad. It's not even a sexist thing I don't think, I just think women are socialized more with a live and let live mentality and men are socialized to believe that everyone should hear their opinion. I don't really have any solutions. I always want to reply with something snarky about how we're not asking him or how his comment doesn't need to be shared, but I don't want to invite harassment. Their comments get upvotes or reacts in agreement and it just feels targeted. Like two people were having a casual chat and this guy comes in and derails and gets positive attention for it. I'm just venting now because it just happened in a gaming discord and I don't really have people irl who understand how these communities are helpful and how that kind of community reaction is ostracizing.

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[–] HalfSalesman@lemm.ee 0 points 3 days ago* (last edited 3 days ago) (1 children)

True, that's like almost hobby level thing I guess so I mentally associate that with subjective stuff. Even if costs relating to baking was the dispute.

Maybe its an instinct of "I know how to do this better than you"? Its like asserting that you are the most skilled/knowledgeable. I could imagine its more from egotism/insecurity. And maybe that's partly why I myself am so intense about philosophy and politics because I kind of put so much effort into it and thinking about it.

(TBH I want to stop thinking about politics and philosophy now it mostly just makes me sad/angry/miserable. I can't help it though its like I'm addicted.)

[–] Alice@hilariouschaos.com 3 points 3 days ago* (last edited 3 days ago)

It's not just about what OPs talking about in this post. But anyone... who feels a need to insert themselves into EVERY.. conversation with the intention of explaining how they know more/better (or to prove a point or debate)

Those type of ppl have an obnoxious sense of self importance. That type of thing is annoying to some ppl.

Some ppl don't want to debate, they just want to talk about what they enjoy.