this post was submitted on 10 Apr 2025
138 points (100.0% liked)

Dad for a Minute

596 readers
31 users here now

If you need a dad figure for help, encouragement or just a hug this is the right community for you.

Twin communities you might be interested in

Rules No hate speech, discrimination based on race, gender, religious beliefs, sexual orientation, gender, etc is allowed.

founded 8 months ago
MODERATORS
tired_n_bored@lemmy.world
138
I shouldn't care but I do. My father has been so absent throughout my whole life (lemmy.world)
submitted 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago) by tired_n_bored@lemmy.world to c/dadforaminute@lemmy.world
28 comments fedilink hide all child comments
 

Hi everyone. I created this community here on Lemmy because I wish to give others what I have never felt: the love and the support of a father.

My father is alive and well, but I've always felt like he was dead. I've never received support, love, or hugs but I instead received disapproval, criticisms, insults and high expectations from him. I remember telling kids in elementary school I had no dad.

I am at an age where this should not affect me. I am an adult with his own life but I am unable to feel indifferent to it. His words (or the lack thereof) still affect me. I want him to be proud of me, at least once in my lifetime, and whenever I try to say something that I think will make him proud, I always leave disappointed telling myself "never try again".

My mother was emotionally unavailable too as she has a schizophrenia diagnosis. I don't know what I am looking for by writing this post, maybe just some nice words.

I still wish to be someone's cherished son. Thank you for reading.

Edit: Thank you to all, really. Your thoughtful comments warm up my heart.

you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments
[–] gusgalarnyk@lemmy.world 14 points 2 months ago

The measure of a man (which is to say the measure of a person anyone should strive to be regardless of gender) is, by my account, how much they strive to improve the world in ways they may never have had or which may not directly benefit them. You take the pain, the injustice, the hardships, the inconveniences that you or other people face and you convert them through willpower, through privilege, through money, through luck into improvements for all of society. This is far easier said than done, especially every day, but easy shouldn't be the primary concern for the kind of person we wish to be.

In creating this sub, in seeking help or community or an opportunity to provide you demonstrate the actions of a man. For this I'm proud of you, and you should be proud of yourself today.

Do not confuse this with love, which from a parent (at least) should be unconditional. Regardless of if your parents are proud of you, they should love you. Regardless of your quality or your work or your current position or state you are deserving of love. You are not beyond love, you are not unlovable, you deserve love. Full stop. I can't offer that to you stranger, but I hope you experience it in your lifetime - more than once ideally. And even more so I hope you get yourself to a mental, emotional, and fiscal place where you can reciprocate that love (or better yet originate that love for someone else).

All I can offer is this act of love in the hopes you feel it, you appreciate it, and it heals (even partially) whatever you're feeling.

Strive to be a helper of your community and communities you don't know, to be a builder of bridges, and a giver of gifts and I promise you regardless of if your biological parents did their duty or not - you will find internal peace. You will inspire. You will love and be loved. I wish you had been given what your parents owe you, but if that fails I hope you can continue to turn that pain into improvement internally and externally.

Good luck and hard work.