Dad for a Minute

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If you need a dad figure for help, encouragement or just a hug this is the right community for you.

Twin communities you might be interested in

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!wholesome@reddthat.com For wholesome content

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tired_n_bored@lemmy.world

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I shouldn't care but I do. My father has been so absent throughout my whole life (lemmy.world)

submitted 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago) by tired_n_bored@lemmy.world to c/dadforaminute@lemmy.world

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Hi everyone. I created this community here on Lemmy because I wish to give others what I have never felt: the love and the support of a father.

My father is alive and well, but I've always felt like he was dead. I've never received support, love, or hugs but I instead received disapproval, criticisms, insults and high expectations from him. I remember telling kids in elementary school I had no dad.

I am at an age where this should not affect me. I am an adult with his own life but I am unable to feel indifferent to it. His words (or the lack thereof) still affect me. I want him to be proud of me, at least once in my lifetime, and whenever I try to say something that I think will make him proud, I always leave disappointed telling myself "never try again".

My mother was emotionally unavailable too as she has a schizophrenia diagnosis. I don't know what I am looking for by writing this post, maybe just some nice words.

I still wish to be someone's cherished son. Thank you for reading.

Edit: Thank you to all, really. Your thoughtful comments warm up my heart.

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[–] banazir@lemmy.ml 18 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago)

Who says you shouldn't care? We carry our parental relationships through our lives. It's the kind of bond you can never truly sever. We are social animals who want love and acceptance from our primary care givers, even as adults.

Recognizing you can't squeeze blood from a stone is important though. You can only accept your parents for who they are. There's no use in re-traumatizing yourself every time you interact with them. You have to form your relationship with the parents you have, not the ones you wish you had. What that means exactly is up to you to figure out for yourself.

But here's the thing: You're old enough now to be the parent you always needed to your own inner child. It won't be easy, but recognize that that child deserved - and deserves! - all the love in the world. You didn't fail; your parents did.

I'm sorry if I can't offer much more than these scattered thoughts. I wish you find the love you need and deserve.