We gave our oldest a basic feature flip-phone when he started Middle School, mainly so he could text and coordinate pickups. In 7th grade, we gave him a smartphone because he was going on a class trip to DC and the kids were encouraged to take pictures and share. At home, we made it a rule that the phone had to be plugged into charger in our bedroom to avoid bedtime disruption.

That same year I created social media accounts for him on every service, mainly to reserve his username. But they were all blocked using parental controls, based on advice from school. We also had software/hardware from Circle (now Aura: https://meetcircle.com/) that blocked access on wifi and cell and capped usage.

In high school, when he turned 16, as part of his birthday gift, we gave him an envelope with his own non-school email account, and all the links and passwords for social media accounts. We also took away all the filter blocks. Figured he was mature enough without feeling left out.

It really worked out well. Later, he asked to put usage limits back on so he would be forced to put it down and go to sleep.