So yesterday my friend told me she suspect she may have ADHD, quite out of nowhere. I've known her for almost 20 years at this point (me, man, she, woman, both 34 yo), and I was very surprised by this. She's been struggling for the past 4 years with irregular jobs and general lack of activity, and she's been under psychiatric and psychological treatment for at least 2 years now. None of the professionals that have seen her have suggested she may have this condition before, although she does claim they were not "good" professionals.
So apparently she started seeing lots of shorts on TikTok that highlight common symptoms and she felt strongly identified with them. For the past two months she's been trying to get a diagnostic, but while her psychiatrist made her take some tests, they never replied back with an assesment, nor did they find her a more specialized colleague. (I understand not all mental health professionals conduct these kind of diagnostics).
I... Think I was ableist towards her. I suggested the shorts were extremely vague and that if she is being completely honest with her doctor and they didnt brought the possibility themselves, then she shouldn't worry. She didn't like this, and the conversation ended somewhat abruptly.
So of course she is still trying to see a specialized professional, and hopefuly that will solve her doubts. But still I wanted to ask the community, how could I be supportive towards her? I wouldn't like her to get mad at me and lose the trust we have, by which she confided this in me in the first place. Also, what is your opinion on the depictions of ADHD on the internet? Was I too disregardful by suggesting TikTok shorts shouldn't guide her?
I realized too late that I hurt her, and I want to be better in the future. I have no background whatsoever in health science.
As a psychotherapist I've found myself working with quite a few people in the last 5yrs going through the process of questioning if they are neurodivergent after social media psychoeducation.
In my experience many professionals are woefully under trained in the area of both trauma and neurodivergence and both would be primary considerations if you friend is resonating with descriptions of experiences and symptoms of ADHD. It is very often overlooked and misdiagnosed or missed as a diagnosis. Additionally many Therapists are trained to stay in the clients frame of reference and would not suggest a diagnosis that would be the job of a psychiatrist (at least here in the UK).
I think this can be a really complicated field to navigate. The way we diagnose mental health divergence in the west is primarily using the ICD or DSM both very problematic for various reasons but most of all because they look at symptoms to diagnose. Generally when diagnosing a physical condition symptoms are key to bringing people into the doctors office but you wouldn't want chemo because you had trouble breathing... You'd want some further tests to identify if it was lung cancer or a broken rib. Hell even some good additional questioning can drill down to this. Now in saying that a good mental health professional will do this, but many don't - especially somewhere like America.
The reason this is such an issue is many underlying conditions can present as ADHD - and visa versa. Your friend could have complex or chronic trauma, or any number of personality disorders for example. On the flip side I've seen people with probable ADHD be turned away from medical help because psychiatrists have (in my opinion) wrongly presumed it's trauma.
So to me the thing I tend to focus on more than anything is how does this stuff show up in people's lives and how can they alieviate the pain. For many seeking a diagnosis and getting medical help will be worth trying. For many other just having a community that struggles with similar issues and supports each other with tools and techniques that help is enough. Whatever it looks like for your friend I'd recommend you ask her what supporting her would look like from her perspective and do your best to be there.
To be clear I don't think you did anything "wrong", we all react from our own frame of reference and yours was different then than it is now as you are considering other angles. But I think you are asking the right question and sound like a good friend.
On the topic of these psycho education social media platforms - ultimately, I’m more thankful for the increased awareness and access to tools and techniques that help people than for any false self-diagnosis that undoubtably occurs because of it.
May I just also add the underdiagnosis of women, too.
Thank you so much for this insightful answer. You've given me much to reflect upon.