Homestuck

cross-posted from: https://lemmy.world/post/8183134

Today I’m reading.

08/21/09- "==>” (/homestuck/512) to 08/29/09 - "==>” (/homestuck/461)"

Select this thingy to read my commentary

Rose is working on making the house taller.  She needs to build John a path to the first gate far above his house. There seems to be some degree of structural knowledge needed here. But this mostly seems like video game logic for structural engineering.  This is to say Rose is a terrible architect.

She is good at squashing imps though. As she again rescuers John from an imp while he's distracted by the voice in his head. This eventually passes as the Wayward Vagabond goes on to do something else.  

John finally snapped out of fugue state to find himself in the study. He’s surrounded by loot and imp oil, and he has a hat now.  Regardless of everyone trying to pester him, John decides to check out the Punch Designix.  It seems to show that it needs a card.

Meanwhile Dave and Rose are chatting.  Dave is still having some sort of freakout having gone into his brother's room. Dave had taken too many images of puppet ass overloading his brain. Despite Dave being Rose's one hope of survival she cannot help but antagonise him.

John discovers that the back of all his cards have a captcha like code on the back of them. He types in the codes of his claw hammer and pogo ride then punches those cards in the Punch Designix. John also attempts to mash a random code and apply it to the shaving cream card as an experiment.  This lowers his potential inventory space and makes the cards unusable. John suspects it will be worth it. He also now finally notices his PDA and his friends trying to reach him. He’s apparently going a little too slowly with that as Rose launches a bathtub through his house. This nearly hit him but also obliterated an imp.

It seems she was making a shortcut to the stair system. John and Rose debated about whether John should just go check out his fathers room. Rose feels it's bad and could cost too much time. So for now John checks out the contents of the Safe. The Colonels Sassacre’s that fell out may be a first edition. There's also a Shavers almanack which John mentions he’d like to read when he is old enough to shave.

Most interesting is the old newspaper clippings. John mentions they appear to be “decades old” though the actual date is out of frame, but it appears to be 199X. That’s not too many decades old from when this page was written. They mostly mention meteors causing mass devastation in a suburb but “it’s not a big deal”. This is a huge deal! Has this happened before!? How was John's father involved and what did he want John to know about it?

One also states   “... Crocker Facility Levelled”.  I mean I guess John's family would care about that, they do love those cake mixes. Betty Crokers stuff is mostly resigned to dollar stores these days, the mixes are ok but not great. Honestly, for a family that’s so very into baking you figure they’d have just moved to raw ingredients by now.

The note was just congratulating John on being able to lift the safe and becoming a man. It had to combo on the back. That’s a little sad, John seems to have had to grow up faster than anticipated. Also I guess Rose is more of a man then he is, since it was her who lifted the safe.  He does manage to take out another imp accidentally while messing with his inventory. This grants him a level up granting more random stats. These include more Gel Viscosity, and some Man Grit he has climbed the Echeladder to “pesky urchin” .

John also climbs the less metaphorical stairs that Rose built. Apparently from his perspective they are really thin and hard to climb. I assume he is going to his room to lathe. Rose has placed the cards and all the cruxite dowels up there for him.

 But something has climbed up from the depths. Something very big.

 

Till tomorrow, keep riding the pumpkin tide.

cross-posted from: https://lemmy.world/post/8130380

Today I’m reading.

08/16/09- "==>” (/homestuck/492) to 08/21/09 - "Rose: Construct loft above John's room.” (/homestuck/511)"

Select this thingy to read my commentary

We left off last time seeing Nanaquin surrounded by piles of cookies in the kitchen. An imp dares to try and take one and is instantly vaporised by Nana's laser eyes. This isn't a special game sprite thing, all grandmas can do this. They just choose not to.

John heads to his living room which now has 11 imps causing chaos. John uses his pogo as a mount, wielding both the claw hammer and a bottle of shaving cream. He somehow manages to take at least one of them out in a state of absolute bouncy rage. However, he trips on one of the many cruxite dowels the imps have created. Before the mob could descend on him he manages to perform an amazing wall flip thing to escape into the study. This is a pretty insane physical feat for a 13 year old, especially one who plays video games all day. Rose seals the entrance using the fridge.

For some odd reason the audience directions are getting very mannered. As though they've developed a strong sense of human etiquette. Also they are asking for a can opener.

The study is not safe. 2 imps were hanging out there. Rose takes one out with the safe revealing its contents. It looks like more cards, another copy of Sassacars, a note, and some very old papers. John is too distracted to deal with the other imp behind him.

Years in the future we see our wayward vagabond is reading the book of human etiquette that fell out of the cache. He’s learned that being polite results in gratitude. He is also eating every page he reads.

Rose meanwhile, despite helping John, is also updating her FAQ. I need absolute focus just to write this nonsense. So compared to me Rose is a goddess of multitasking. This time she is posting screenshots of the game pointing out odd things. For example...

• John's house being able to get power and internet.
• Rose claims to have no idea what happened to John's fathers car.
• She is noticing John acting weird and hearing voices in his head.
• She also notes that she is unable to see into John fathers room. Possibly because John hasn't been in there.
• Also the quote she makes under John riding the pogo is from Russian novelist Nikolai V Gogol.

Rose has also resumed construction on making the home taller… I guess we’re all ignoring the imp next to John. These things must really be harmless! I wonder if there’s a way to not harm them, and get grist anyway. I want a SBURB pacifist run.

Till tomorrow, hug an oily imp and keep riding the pumpkin tide.

cross-posted from: https://lemmy.world/post/8078188

Today I’m reading.

08/09/09- "Dave: Resist great urge to play Bro's Xbox.” (/homestuck/452) to 08/16/09 - "Rose: Check up on Nannaquin, see what's cookin'!” (/homestuck/491)"

Select this thingy to read my commentary

Dave has decided to deviate from his current mission to save Rose’s life from a quickly encroaching fire. This will soon consume her and her home. IT was more important to play an xBox skater game in which you collect Doritos and Pringles. Fortunately, that game is too glitchy and Dave quickly gives up.

Dave, still not on track, decides to check out his brother's computer. I’ll point out among all the puppet stuff I am disappointed by the lack of Dark Crystal stuff. This was best thing to ever use puppets hands down, I'll take no comments on the matter. Anyway, from Bros computer Dave mentions a major source of income they have. This is the ironically pornographic Plush Rump site his brother is running. As an ace myself I really don't get some of the weird crap people are into, but I will not judge you. Dave breaks free of the allure of looking at all that plush ass. He tries to connect with John who wasn't paying attention. Next he tries Rose.

This brings us back to the conversion they'd had on 419. Time is really fluid and confusing in this story! We’ve now caught up to where we left off two days ago with Rose smacking John with a box.

She deploys a new tool the Designix. This was only available now that John had acquired Shale from his recent fight. John finally regains some sense. This is likely because the Wayward vagabond had been distracted by unlocking a cache of cans. Rose points out to John that there’s now a lot of imps around. He’s a bit pissed that they are just using his stuff, like his piano (I guess Rose just tossed it out on the yard) , and his Pogo ride.

There is a weird little minigame here where you can get a score for rocking an imp around. It seemed to be a little broken for me. I could only get 438 points before the score got stuck. Also not sure where those score submissions are going.

Rose then murders the pogo rider by dropping John's piano on it. John points out that it was a little destructive. Also he now needs to go out and get the loot. Their solution is to put the pogo ride in the bathtub with the grist still on it. Rose will need lots of it to build upwards to the first gate. John may need to get more. John grabs 2 cans of shaving cream and the pogo ride for his inventory. Meanwhile Nanquin sprite is producing endless cookies.

Till tomorrow get yourself a cookie and keep riding the pumpkin tide.

cross-posted from: https://lemmy.world/post/8035430

Today I’m reading.

08/05/09- "==>” (/homestuck/442) to 08/09/09 - "==>” (/homestuck/451)"

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We are now Rose. Months in the past. Her home's covered in a thick blanket of snow. Her room is a little less messy, there is a lack of knitted goods laying around.

This is because Rose has opened her birthday gift from John, and it is the knitting set. Rose is talking to the mysterious 4th friend GardenGnostic[GG]. GG seems to have uncanny knowledge of things about the other kids both past and future. They are also not good at hiding this from Rose who picks up on every one of GG’s abnormally accurate assumptions.

GG tells Rose she will soon find a game that will give her the ability to resurrect her recently deceased cat. Though she had no idea what game and wasn't able to provide much else. Very weird! I loved my cat friend but would absolutely not resurrect them. Rose claims she only had a “lukewarm” relationship with her cat. Also a convenient flashback to someone who was just writing about Sprite prototyping.

Now back to Dave, in the present, who is prepping for his encounter with his big brother. It’s shown that Dave lives on the top floor of a massive highrise. The bird he slew is on the roof of another building across the street. Also meteors are falling like crazy around him. This makes sense. Dave is in a much denser urban area so there must be a lot more players getting into SBURB. This is triggering doomsday events. Also how the hell does Dave afford a penthouse. He must be richer than Rose.

I’m going to totally ignore whatever the hell Dave is quoting here.

Dave enters his living room. This is also potentially his brother's bedroom. I’ve had to do this before myself, city living is rough like that. Dave mentions his brother has “gigs” implying that he does shows with Little Cal. While explaining his brothers various puppets Dave mentions he has a lot of respect and envy for him. Also Dave's layers of irony come up here, He takes a lot of comfort with living in layers upon layers of irony. That’s an important part of his character which will come up a few times. Anyway, Dave is finding it odd that his brother is not around.

Little Cal appears directly behind Dave seemingly out of nowhere. Dave just assumes he hadn't noticed him until now.

Till tomorrow keep your puppets locked up tight, and keep riding the pumpkin tide.

cross-posted from: https://lemmy.world/post/7989817

Today I’m reading.

08/03/09- "==>” (/homestuck/432) to 08/05/09 - "Months in the past, but not many...” (/homestuck/441)"

Select this thingy to read my commentary

Rose is in a tiny mausoleum with her former pet, shoes on her laptop connected to hosting John's session of SBURB. Fire from an apocalyptic meteor shower closing in around her. Time is running out. She is contemplating updating her entry to the game on gameFaqs. Gotta admire the devotion.

Meanwhile John is being commanded by a loud voice in his head. He must go get cookies from his grandmother's harlequin ghost sprite. He’s resisting this command really hard.

Years in the future we see a wayward vagabond in a post-apocalyptic desert. He’s in an abandoned facility, below the sands. He accidentally strikes the caps lock key on a keyboard he is using to put a voice in John's head. This unlocks a hidden cache of human relics. Metal cylinders labelled beans and mustard. There is also a plant and a book on human etiquette. I do not think he understands what these are, but he has really hit the survivalist jackpot.

Rose meanwhile is working on those faq updates. She expresses interest in seeing a brass door-knocker and pornography collection. Those would be some knockers! ( I’m so sorry )

Her advice to players is to try and get both prototypes in before setting off the countdown. She also recommends using something sentient as a prototype. This should get a guide that can actually talk to you.

She also pontificates on the lore and how instances work. Will each player get their own Medium? Does prototyping lead to different instance outcomes? She also hatches a plan. With John's server disk not unavailable due to the car incident. They’ll need other players to form a chain.

Four because there seems to be 4 receptacles in each of the kingdoms. But how could the game predict they’d have 4 players? Rose is apparently still working on that article suggesting we bother someone else.

And so we do. Months in the past in a snow covered building…

Till tomorrow bundle up, keep warm and keep riding the pumpkin tide.

cross-posted from: https://lemmy.world/post/7942953

Today I’m reading… oh god. Ok put your lore helmets on this one is thick.

07/28/09- "==>” (/homestuck/412) to 08/03/09 - "Rose: Hit John in the head with box to get his attention.” (/homestuck/431)"

Select this thingy to read my commentary

As mentioned yesterday, Rose is running out of time. The fire is approaching the mausoleum and she’s just gotten to it. She Fires up the generator and takes shelter inside. It’s a small space, Rose kicks the coffin to the ground to make a table for the laptop. The cat is inside apparently taxidermied and put into a tuxedo. I can only assume a drunken choice made by her mom.

Dave is also pestering her and she is ignoring him. She needs to connect to John.

John meanwhile survived his first real fight. But he noticed something odd. Something fixed his bedroom door during the fight, and left slightly ajar. And when he opened.

Granny Pranked! Seems his ghost grandma sprite thing pulled a classic move on him.

Meanwhile, since John is clearly not in danger. Rose chats with Dave. Dave admits he is beginning to get creeped out by his brother's puppets. But he is still working on obtaining the beta so he can save her.

Back to John. It turns out since the sprite is fully prototyped he can just talk to it. It really is his grandma and she’s going to guide him though the medium. John had never actually met his grandma so he is just assuming this is all true. If this was my grandma she'd be about as bad as John's father in that she’d be making me eat till I explode.

Speaking of John's fathers NanaSprite explains that imps kidnapped him. She also explains that SBURB is just a thing that transports people to an instance of the medium. The medium is where John is currently. It is in something called The Incipisphere, but not in its centre.

Above John is the seven gates. These are the rings left by the sprite when it split apart. above them in the centre of the The Incipisphere is Skaia. Skaia a “crucible of unlimited creative potential”

Also there are 2 kingdoms one dark and one light which each have 4 orbs that need to be filled with sprites.

As she explains all this Skies of Skaia is playing and it's a damn good song.

Anyway by coming to this land John has triggered a war between light and darkness. One which darkness will win. But to figure out the point to all this John needs to progress in the game. She suggests John needs to build a path up to the first gate.

John's excited to start this adventure, to save the earth from doom. But granny shoots down that goal. Earth is just screwed, and not relevant to his journey. By playing the game he's triggered the end times and there's nothing he can do about it. Well that is a bummer but we’d have destroyed it anyway. Nanasprite then leaves to make cookies.

Rose meanwhile is smacking John with a box to get his attention.

Till tomorrow, keep riding the pumpkin tide.

cross-posted from: https://lemmy.world/post/7893626

Today I’m reading.

07/16/09- "[S] Rose: Youth roll right out the front door.” (/homestuck/388) to 07/28/09 - "FINE. NOW WHAT” (/homestuck/411)"

Select this thingy to read my commentary

Here we go: Second Strife! Rose Vs. her own mother. Seems to be a lot of Thick pent up rage between these two. Let’s see what we got.

Aggrieve: Rose launches a volley of no-holds-barred stabs using her knitting needles. but her strikes are bloto-parried. The booze seems to provide a drunken mastery of dodging.

Aggress (passive): Rose attempts an empty threat. She's ready to plunge her needles into the electric socket. This has no effect on Mom who's too drunk to really know what's up.

Abjure: Mom summons a particularly beautiful pony as a gift but Rose rejects it hard.

Abstain: Mom attempts to offer up some of the booze to her underaged daughter only to get auto Parriar-ed. I don't drink booze myself. But, if you rather drink that disgusting Perrier water then booze must be really bad.

Another Strife over with no clear victor. Mom just shrugs the event off and proceeds to dust the front door blocking it. Also there’s a pony in the living room.

Maplehoof is a recurring character and much beloved character. This was around the time Broneies where a thing. Certainly not my thing being into Homestuck was ostracising enough. But I had a friend or two who were way too into that and it was creepy for me.

John is continuing to be oblivious. He's reading Data Structures for Assholes and ignoring the monster in his room. I could probably brush up on this topic myself. The page mentions that shooting items out of your inventory can actually be a battle tactic. A thing John could use about now.

Another Strife!

John vs Oil jester imp thing?

The little bugger has your bunny and he is bullying it! Fortunately, John has a sledge hammer. John's pissed. But his weak nerd arms cause him to fumble his first attack, breaking the hammer and leaving John floored. Embarrassing!

Back to Rose.

Having escaped her house she went out back into the rain. We can see her house's transformer is completely blown by lightning.

Back to John.

Round 2. Strife!

With only the handle of a sledge hammer, John still has some fire left in him. With our help, he is able to clobber the little imp fellow a bit. But a single bunny padded punch from the imp knocks John again. The little bastard really rubs it in his face.

Back to Rose.

She is approaching the mausoleum. But, so is the massive wildfire caused by the meteor storms. It's clear that even if she gets power she is running out of time.

John. Round 3 Strife!

John has had it up to here with this nonsense. Now unarmed he uses the inventory launch attack on the imp. Grabbing pretty much anything in arms reach and launching junk at the imp.

Victory! John receives some Grist and something called Shale from the defeated enemy. Also of course the bunny which he attempts to recreate the con-air scene with.

John also gains levels. Sburb has RPG mechanics. He goes from a Greentike past “Juvesquirt* and archives Plucky tot. As well as climbing the Echeladder he receives 125 bondollars and some Gel Viscosity. What does all that mean? We have no freaking idea. Yet one useful thing is his grist cache limit increased allowing him to store more grist at any time. Rose will need this to build more stuff. Also a strife card for the Bunnykind weapon. John feels this is probably dumb but keeps it anyway.

John fixes and reequips his sledge hammer. He see’s Dave is trying to chat with him but he has other concerns…

—

You got 2 strifes today though whatever that is can wait. Very action packed. Till tomorrow, Keep riding the pumpkin tide.

cross-posted from: https://lemmy.world/post/7845190

Today I’m reading.

07/11/09- "Rose: View Mother's solid copper vacuum statue.” (/homestuck/362) to 07/16/09 - "READ YOUR BOOK. STAY WARY OF THESE FOES.” (/homestuck/387)"

Select this thingy to read my commentary

Rose is showing a vacuum she had given her mother. She had a drink holder installed on it as an insult to her mother’s alcoholism. That's a pretty terrible thing to do. Though her mother having the vacuum encased in bronze is also a pretty snappy comeback. Having a pestle plugged in and turned on at night to antagonize Rose is brutality.

The “pink tentacle thing” is a life sized “Pretty Princess Doll”. Rose has decapitated, delimbed, and rebuilt it with knitted abomination limbs. Having not seen the original I assume this is a significant improvement regardless.

In her kitchen we see many Liquor Bottles. Her fridge has a drawing she made of a $15k frame wielded to the door. Dear god, as someone who's always struggling with money these kinda luxuries just make me sad. The door also has further arguing in magnet letters. From the fridge she takes a fancy pillow, and a magnetic letter w. She barely escapes her mother who’d appeared in the kitchen pretending to mop.

Back to Dave. He’s fixing the hole in his window with gaff tape. I have some of that stuff myself, it is expensive but very handy. gardenGnostic [GG] is chatting with him. They’re the ones we haven't met yet. GG is a bit weird in that she mentions she knows John will lose her package but finds it again later when he needs it. This is an oddly accurate prediction so far. It’s also revealed Bec is some kind of pet and she has a grandpa she doesn't want to encounter.

Anyway Dave grabs his phone. It seems he’s now in the present. John is tracking whatever is leaving an oily mess around his home. He’s back in his bedroom chatting with Dave. Dave suggests John weaponize his sylladex. This should allow him to be more prepared to fight what he thinks may be a monster. Dave is also preparing to encounter his brother. Apparently his brother is a rapping ventriloquist with a dummy named Little Cal. That’s going to be one weird fight.

John is about to do research, again dropping that terrible word. Damn we all said that too much. Not at all noticing the monster in a jester's cap standing next to his bed.

Looks like we got a lot of action coming.Till tomorrow, Keep riding the pumpkin tide.

cross-posted from: https://lemmy.world/post/7807968

Today I’m reading.

07/03/09- "Dave: Save your place, read it later.” (/homestuck/332) to 07/11/09 - "Rose: Go downstairs to the kitchen back door.” (/homestuck/361)"

Select this thingy to read my commentary

Dave jokes that this new webcomic is over 3000 pages and that he doesn't have time for this bullshit. That one hurts.

He’s chatting with Rose. She suggests that his lack of attention to her is a sign of disrespect, or “flagrant homosexuality”. She then strokes his already inflated ego in an attempt to get him to play SBURB. It seems Dave was her first choice in gaming companions. He drops some choice words (one which is definitely inappropriate by today's standard). He suggests he’d only play SBURB if her life somehow depended on it. A promise is a promise.

Back to the present John is spacing out next to the Alchemizer. I suppose he’s unsure what to do now that Rose isn't providing directions. The door to his house seems to be jostling and leaking black ooze. Upon inspection the trail of ooze leads to his room. I wonder how that smells?

Back to Dave in the past. He’s going to show his music skills. We get to play with the mixer a bit, though I'm not remotely musically gifted enough to know what to do with that. He celebrates this by attempting to drink his juice but failing as John had made him think it was monster pee. It's weird he can re-captchalogue the juice and it appears to get reseal with a lid despite the lid.

But the icon is deceiving. As when attempting to equip; a ninja sword he ejects the juice all over his mixer and his SBURB beta. These modus I swear I’d be dead in like 30 seconds. I’d wake up and somehow eject my cell phone through my liver. Dave's goal is now to get a towel, he leaves his room. Like John's dad or Roses mom, Dave's brother has the house decorated with a weird theme. In his case it's radical puppets”, and Dave wants to avoid encountering him. Having 2 older brothers myself, this one I completely understand. You can only have your face farted so many times. Fortunately, the bathroom was just across the hall. So this goal was quick and uneventful. I suspect Dave's place is really small. Dave cleans up the beta’s and hangs them to dry near an open window. Given we know we lost them in an embarrassing way we can already guess this was a bad idea. Though a crow flying in to steal them then getting vaulted with a ninja sword isn’t what I had expected. That’s unironically pretty cool.

OH SNAP!

We are back to Rose in present time. She stands in front of a 20 foot granite wizard statue that is in her living room. Its face looks weird, familiar to me. Does anyone know who drew it? Was it a guest artist? Anyway Rose friggin hates it and all the other wizards. She believes her mother keeps them to spite her.

We’ll end this in her living room. It is a huge room and filthy with wizards. It also has some kind of adult sized pink tentacle thing in a wedding dress/wizardhat. And a copper vacuum on a pedestal. It's the usual level of wacky we’d come to expect. There is also a downstairs and some doors leading around. This place is probably much bigger then what John or Dave have. This could take awhile.

Till tomorrow, Keep riding the pumpkin tide.

cross-posted from: https://lemmy.world/post/7752710

Today I’m reading.

06/26/09- "Rose: Confront mother in hall.” (/homestuck/308) to 07/03/09 - "Dave: Skip ahead a hundred pages or so.” (/homestuck/331)"

Select this thingy to read my commentary

Rose is on a mission to get to the generator. She just needs to get past her mother. This could be a dangerous waste of time but- oh!

We're now a cool dude who wears his shades indoors. He has a sword and no time for our bullcrap. This Dave Strider also we can safely assume this is turtechGodhand [TG]. He has a lot of interests, including electronic music, turntables and mixers. He likes weirdly preserved dead things. He considers himself an amateur photographer. Also he runs some ironic blogs, websites and profiles. His room isn't messy like Rose’’s room but it is a cluttered and chaotic mess of wires and equipment. His furniture is mostly just cinder blocks with wooden boards.

We go through the usual nonsense we’ve encountered with new characters so far. Dave isn't as obedient as John. When asked to save his friends he had no idea what we meant by that.

He does show us some of his stuff though. He has a blue package from John. It contained a signed image of “Ben Stiller” who is known for being in a lot of dumb movies. I can assume Dave likes him ironically. Also, I'm not even sure if it is an image of Ben Stiller.

He also takes the box and a bottle of apple juice to show how insane his hash modus is. It apparently stores items in a slot based on an equation. The equation uses the number of consonants in the name of the item. What a damn headache that is. Though Dave is a bit of a headache in general.

I can only relate to Dave in that I was at some point in life the cringe anime kid with a sword. I think Dave may have been what gave me the self reflection to grow the hell up.

Anyway, not really motivated to do much else Dave decides to wish John a happy birthday. Also to ask John if he’s had time to play that SBURB beta that he’d been going on about…

Ah! we’ve wandered into more timey nonsense. This conversation between them was way back in early Act 1. This might explain Dave's lack of motivation on world ending events.

We get a taste of Dave internet habits

First we see sweetbroshellablog.removed where he is posting Ironic reviews of GameBro magazine. The real site's claimed by Andrew Hussie but seems to not actually be in use other than some comments. And then there is sweetbroandhellajeff.com which redirects to a subsite MSPA. This is also in the unofficial collection system as /sbahj/1.

Now maybe I don't get Irony, but SBAHJ is just awful. It comes up a lot in Homestuck and the community was a little nuts about it. I’m sure some still have tattoos. There is a printed book for it, and the memes exist to this day. What credit I will give it is that it's possibly the most famous meta web comic in existence. It's a webcomic made by a character in a web comic. Anyway give it a read if you like it has bearing on what's happening in the story.

Also a webcomic within a webcomic is the Midnight Crew. We learn one of the members is Spades Slick and that the crew doesn't always get along. We will learn more about them later though.

Till tomorrow, Keep riding the pumpkin tide.

cross-posted from: https://lemmy.world/post/7704573

Today I’m reading.

06/23/09- "RIDICULOUS FOLLY. INEXCUSABLE.” (/homestuck/292) to 06/26/09 - "[S] ==>” (/homestuck/307)"

Select this thingy to read my commentary

Well the current goal of getting the server disc is not doing good. The disc and the car it was in has fallen off a huge cliff. I’d assume it's destroyed, who knows what's going on below those clouds.

Rose is no longer logged into Pesterchum. We can assume her laptop has run out of juice at the worst possible time.

But, gardenGnostic [GG] and turtechGodhand [TG] are currently chatting with John.

GG had reached out to John awhile back but she got interrupted by an explosion. Her present to John was also in the car. Not shockingly at this point GG explains the explosion was a meteor. Fortunately for GG the impact was far off from her. Someone she called ‘Bec’ kept her from exploring it. John explains everything GG's confused but supportive.

TG is still rapping. I’m not an expert on rap music, but I can assume TG isn't good at it. John suggests the TG use his copy of the game to somehow help Rose. TG says he’s lost his copy for embarrassing reasons but could potentially get his brother's copy.

We pop back to Rose, she’s going to have to enact her earlier plan to get to the cat mausoleum and its generator. After equipping her laptop with a knitted cosy for protection of course. She also equips her knitting needles as a needlekind Strife STRIFE SPECIBUS .

Despite the need to hurry, Rose gives us an overview of some of the monsters in her book. They’re kind of generic off-brand Lovecraftian eldritch horrors. They do look a bit cute though I’m sure she’d hate to hear that. There’s also a page suggesting that monsters can be summoned by plugging a window into a power outlet.

After this distraction though Rose takes her items and heads out of the observatory. As she passes the weird terrace thing, getting rain soaked, she curses the rainy season. She mentions a zealous god is preparing for a Symphony it finds impossible to play. We didn't get this album till quite some time later but it's lovely. Only during this reread do I understand the title.

She also then give us a quote from ~~Charles Barkley~~ TS Elliot’ the wasteland

I’ll leave us in preparation for another parental confrontation. That is what the next page title suggests.

Till tomorrow, Keep riding the pumpkin tide.

cross-posted from: https://lemmy.world/post/7656125

Today I’m reading.

06/18/09- "==>” (/homestuck/272) to 06/22/09 - "==>” (/homestuck/291)"

Select this thingy to read my commentary

We start off with some updates to Rose’s entry on SBURB to GameFaqs. I won't detail it all here but it's some essential instructions on how to not die while playing the game. The really short version.

• place the Phernalia and don't touch the Cruxtruder until ready.

• get punch card ready in Lathe

• get the Cruxite dowel

• make dowel into a totem using the lathe

• put totem into Alchemizer

• eat fruit?

Rose is essentially saving lives at this point as she’s noticed a dramatic uptick in meteors falling. She can only hope her instructions are getting out there in time. But she also must know that each could represent death for somebody.

Her batteries are dying and she doesn’t have power. She considers a plan to get to the cat mausoleum in her back yard to access its generator.

For now she’s going to help John prototype his Sprite. This proves to be challenging as it doesn't want to be prototyped with just any old thing. John and Rose try to distract it but it ends up bumping into Nana’s ashes, then disappearing.

Not sure where it went, Rose provides a different goal. Get the server disc from the car. She points out the real world is on fire and she may need a way out. But, Rose has blocked the front door with the Cruxtruder. She can't move it without a significant amount of grist. They decide Rose should lift the car to the balcony so John can hop in.

John get hunted a bit by his grandma combined with the harlequin sprite, but it again disappears

turtechGodhand [TG] again tries to distract John with some “sick rhymes” but John is in no mood for TG’s rapping.

This plan fails hard. As Rose lifts the car it is dropped by her lost connection. The car then falls off of the cliff and below the clouds. The server disc is still inside.

That is a big OOF.

Till tomorrow, Keep riding the pumpkin tide.

cross-posted from: https://lemmy.world/post/7610067

Today I’m reading.

06/16/09- "==>” (/homestuck/262) to 06/17/09 - "Years in the future, but not many...” (/homestuck/271)"

Select this thingy to read my commentary

John’s current mission is to get his PDA back. Conveniently the tiny spot of his neighbour's lawn that the PDA landed is in the void with John. Rose is able to build a thin plank leading off of his out and closer to the PDA. This is scary for John but it works and John is again able to communicate remotely.

John is able to see from his fathers social media account that Rose's account of things are true. Humidity seems more concerned about material objects than people. But the network of incredibly boring men do show some concern for John's father.

John expresses to Rose that he's compelled to do things by an odd voice in his head. She’s concerned this may be some sort of anxiety but suggests he press on and finish prototyping the sprite. She also mentions she's running low on battery power.

As John returns to the house the “audience” begins with more annoying commands. John is resisting demanding to know who is in his head.

Years in the future we see the wayward vagabond once more. They opened the hatch with the spirographic logo and wandered into a facility. There is a large device with 5 displays in the configuration of the Homestuck logo (the green house with the squares) we see in those displays John is about to bite the apple. The Wayward vagabond is the “audience” as he types “BOY.” onto a keyboard before him.

This is a bit of time buggery that Homestuck does a lot. The Wayward Vagabond is on earth (or what I assume is earth) in the future created by SBURB destroying the world. The facility he is in seems to be how to control the game. It may be a moderation centre. It's built to withstand the end times.

Till tomorrow and long after, but not too long after, Keep riding the pumpkin tide.

cross-posted from: https://lemmy.world/post/7562034

Welcome to Act 2, this one will be hefty. Today I’m reading.

06/06/09- "Years in the future, but not many...” (/homestuck/248) to 06/16/09 - "I SEE. ==>?” (/homestuck/261)"

Select this thingy to read my commentary

Well Act 1 ended with the end times. Between the meteor that was heading for John and several dozens more Rose saw in her observatory. The world ended. It seems we’re now seeing a future in which a Wayward Vagabond is wandering the desserts of what was once earth. They encounter something with the SBURB spirograph on it.

Oh god, the economy!

But that's all for the future. Act 2 opens with Rose’s entry to GameFaq’s page on SBURB. It's a letter of condolence to those who installed the game and have brought forth the end times. She mentions she will add her findings as she goes.

We get another animated sequence. John bit the Apple. We see scenes from around John's house as we had with the end of act one but something is changing. The sky outside is black. And from all the shadows we see eyes. Something, other than John's father, is in the house.

John's house is fine though, it's now located on some sort of mesa high above the clouds in a land with a black sky.

The Kernelsprite seems to split off into 3. One piece falling down below the clouds and another shooting up into space. They leave some sort of guidance rings behind. The remaining piece becomes a more completed sprite. It's looking closer to the original harlequin doll but with a ghostly tail instead of legs.

It’s here we get an interactive piece. This is only in the newer version of the comic so I hope you are using that. Pretty much a minigame built in Flash. I can say this is exceptionally professional quality for a flash animation of the time. We are able to explore John's house and interact with things as the audience has done so far. We command John to do things and he does so obediently. The “audience” is strange though. They only seem to talk in all caps and call John “BOY” regardless of his corrections. We can check out every poster and details, but we already did most of that. I’ll highlight a few interesting parts though.

• John points out the plumbing in his bathroom is gone due to Rose's “piss-poor” job of cleaning things. He can always “go over the cliff” if he needs to.
• The Bunny is not in the box, it is gone. I hope it is ok, the bunny must be protected!
• TT is trying to get ahold of John on pesterchum, he points out it's odd he still has internet connectivity in the void. His provider must be fantastic. I also wonder how he’s even getting power.
• John mentions the Kernelsprite is a Sprite now. It’s still only tier 1 and still must be prototyped. Only the server host can prototype it
• John admits it was pretty funny when his dad got him with the pie during their Strife
• The Cruxitor is no longer active and the countdown is blank
• The area downstairs now has many large black smudges and not just the original comic this time.
• John's father is now gone, and he appears to have left in a hurry. I hope he didn't leave the oven on.

John's ordered to talk to Rose by the new audience.

Rose mentions she can still see John in the game. Apparently there’s been other meteors but his was the largest of them. His entire neighbourhood was destroyed. I guess he wasn't that close with his neighbours as no one seems remotely upset by the fact they are likely dead.

I’ve never met my neighbours, in the big city we move around a lot from condo to condo. But if I learned all my neighbours were killed, because I decided to play a video game, I’d not be ok. I think humanity in general would not be ok if such things could happen. But I guess we can shrug all that off.

Rose suggests John's first course of action should be to retrieve the PDA he lost during the chaos. John, never being on topic, decided now is a good time to call Rose out for not wishing him a happy birthday yet. She mentions she had something in mind but it was late and wished him a happy birthday.

John's new audience demands he take the towel and the totem. Together they discover they can delete the Generic Cubes John had made earlier to get some grist.

Game over, this is where Homestuck ends with everyone dead…

Well obviously not. I already mentioned there’s over 8000 pages of this and we’re only on 247.

Till tomorrow, Keep riding the pumpkin tide.

cross-posted from: https://lemmy.world/post/7506558

Today I’m reading.

06/01/09- "==>” (/homestuck/232) to 06/07/09 - "END OF ACT 1” (/homestuck/247)"

Select this thingy to read my commentary

Rose is in a hurry, she needs to get online ASAP to save John. An encounter with her mom could be disastrously time consuming. But it seems she’s managed to avoid the encounter. The path to the observatory is still perilous. She needs access to a terrace to get to it. A pretty dangerous sort of outdoor hallway built onto her home. It doesn't even have handrails, who approved this design!.

In the observatory we learn the quirk of Rose’s modus. As she pulls out her laptop all other items fall to the floor. This is because her laptop was the root card to all other cards. This is still nicer than John’s Modus violently ejecting items.

She’s able to confirm the read streaks are more meteors. And there’s a lot of them!. But no time for that, Rose has a mission.

She’s able to reconnect and get a hold of John. He’s at 31 seconds and has accepted his fate. She tells John he needs to take the new totem item back to the Alchemiter. With the last of the Grist she rips John's door out. Then completes her real mission of cleaning John's bathroom. With utilities connected to rubble, the bathroom is not functional at all. but good enough!

John gets to the Alchemiter and puts the totem on it. The Generic cubes are able to go in the Phernalia Registry. The totem results in a giant blue tree growing and dropping a huge apple in Johns arms.

[S] John: Take bite of apple. Is a pretty big animation. As suburban countdown plays the meteor crashes down. We see flashes of some other things going on. Johns father is baking, a few shots of posters, one of nana’s ashes, and the slime icon on John's shirt. Then an apocalyptic looking mushroom cloud.

Game over, this is where Homestuck ends with everyone dead…

Well obviously not. I already mentioned there’s over 8000 pages of this and we’re only on 247.

I’d take a break at this point but the addiction is real, let's keep riding the pumpkin tide.

cross-posted from: https://lemmy.world/post/7460700

Today I’m reading.

05/26/09- "==>” (/homestuck/214) to 06/01/09 - "==>” (/homestuck/231)"

Select this thingy to read my commentary

This is odd, but Homestuck isn’t just John’s story after all. We have a page that is very like page 1. Only we are being introduced to a young lady. One who we’ve known so far as tentacleTherapist [TT]. Her power is out at home and she must find a way to get online to save her friend ectoBiologist [EB] (John). It’d be particularly bad if she didn't. This given she's just locked him in his room by inadvertently dumping a bathtub in front of his door. The young lady’s name is Rose Lalonde.

Despite her earlier desire to keep John's home clean, her own room is a complete mess. Her bed is unkept, and the room is littered with knitting projects and notebooks. It’s a common phenomenon, messy people enjoy games where they can keep things clean and orderly. I’m definitely guilty of this.

She has a passion for obscure literature of a bestially strange and fictitious nature. She also likes Psychoanalysis, knitting and video games.

While I was in college for game development. Around the years I started reading Homestuck, I was taking classes in psychology. I'd also taken up some stuff about the occult and dark magics. As you can imagine this also made Rose pretty relatable. Rose prevents the readers from accessing certain elements of her room. This shows more control then John. She hides away as well her notebooks. The audience isn't allowed to know about that stuff.

We also learn Rose knows how to play a violin as she gives us another piece of the Homestuck soundtrack. But, this is a waste of valuable time.

The audience learns they can check in on John at any time. He's uhh.. saying his goodbyes to actress Liv Tylor. Also, there’s that ink smudge again. Only in the original comic.

As Rose is collecting items we learn about her Tree Modus. It seems to sort items under each other in alphabetical order.

Peeking out Rose's window we get some sense of direction. There is a huge laboratory nearby which has a strong WiFi signal and power. There is also a mausoleum nearby dedicated to her cat. I mean I love cats but that thing looks bigger than my condo. I suspect our girl here is flush with cash. Also the sky seems to show a few red streaks falling. More meteors?

Her inventory now has

• a violin,
• knitting supply bag,
• a laptop
• a Grimoire for Summoning the Zoologically Dubious. (about the size of Johns copy of Colonel Sassacre )

Rose decides to try the observatory as it is a high point and may have better reception. Her laptop has some battery power and it may be enough to help John. Leaving her room we can see a bit of her home. Much like John's father has Creepy Harlequin theming everywhere. Rose's mom has Ironically Exquisite Wizards.

All she needs to do is to get to the observatory and avoid her mother…

Till tomorrow something lurks in the shadows, Keep riding the pumpkin tide.

cross-posted from: https://lemmy.world/post/7425732

05/23/09- "==>” (/homestuck/202) to 05/25/09 - "==>” (/homestuck/213)"

Today I’m reading.

Select this thingy to read my commentary

Father is home and is confused… he can't get into his house. He’s not aware his son's internet friend tentacleTherapist [TT] has, through the power of a magical video game, placed a large meteor summoning doomsday device in his living room.He’s also noticed his toilet is now in his backyard and is filled with cake and a fake arm. Damn parenting is hard.

John consults his friends on his PC in his room. tentacleTherapist [TT] is not very concerned about the impending threat of fiery doom from the sky. She mentions she's aware it's part of the game but was more annoyed at the GameFaqs walkthroughs for being poorly written. They are all incomplete and nothing really mentions what to do about the fireball. But Suggest that John should try the lathe.

turntechGodhead [TG] is also chatting. John thanks him for the Bunny. But informs him of the impending doom heading his way and it's not really a good time to chat. Always take time to appreciate your friends. No matter what.

John, taking TT’s advice, attempts to figure out the lathe. He figures out it also needs the Cruxite Dowel. He manages to make a Cruxite totem. He encounters but ignores his father who's wondering why the bathtub is now in the hallway. I’m still shocked TT didn't know better than to keep the workbenches closer together. That's just efficient.

But he can't figure out what to do with it. However, it seems TT has been disconnected just as she was moving the tub, it’s again fallen down locking John in his bedroom. 2 min till death.

Leaving you all on a cliffhanger. Till tomorrow, Keep riding the pumpkin tide.

cross-posted from: https://lemmy.world/post/7378616

Today I’m reading.

05/19/09 - "John: Get card.” (/homestuck/182) to 05/23/09 - "TT: Revise bathroom.” (/homestuck/201)"

Select this thingy to read my commentary

Well those dangerous looking shards of glass were worthy of concern. As John retrieves the punch card one of these shards fires out of his inventory. This slices up the giant stuffed harlequin doll. I guess deciding these are pretty dangerous John evicts the other 2 shards in his inventory. He replaces them with some fanciful harlequin figures. Even further messing up the harlequin doll (and I assume the couch).

It's only now John acknowledges the violently flashing object floating around him. It's trying to communicate with him. tentacleTherapist [TT] mentions it's a Kernelsprite and it needs prototyping. John, tosses the now very maimed harlequin doll into the Kernelsprite.

The effect is that it becomes some kind of flashing representation of a harlequin. It's still about as useless as ever. TT explains it's only a Tier 1 Kernelsprite and still needs another prototyping. John has no interest in figuring that out. As the clock on the Cruxtruder continues to countdown.

This man is in panic mode without even knowing what that countdown means. I would have assumed it was like a Cruxite generator. The countdown was just the time until the next one became available. I mean it's not like it's something considerably less mundane and important. right?

John decides to try and figure out what the Alchemiter does. Now outside, John takes his telescope to access the Cruxite. This launches his PDA well outside of his property. That means he can't talk to TT anymore. So goodby voice of reason.

Using the Alchemiter John and TT make 3 Perfectly Generic Cubes. This burns through more of their limited Grist supply. These are completely useless green cubes.

With the Kernalsprite desperately trying to communicate something, John looks to the sky. Using the telescope. He can see it's friggin’ meteor heading straight towards him! It's suggested here that the countdown's linked to this event. And he’s only got 3 min left.

Wow. That one is going to tank the property value, His father is going to be very aggrieved for sure. Speaking of which he’s pulling into the driveway. TT is trying to communicate this but Johns is not near his PDA anymore. TT is also not aware of the imminent fire death John is about to face. At least she’s repaired the bathroom though.

Maybe the media was right, video games are dangerous.

Till tomorrow check your insurance policies regarding death from above, and Keep riding the pumpkin tide.

cross-posted from: https://lemmy.world/post/7330685

Today I’m reading.

05/18/09 - "John: Examine wheel on the Cruxtruder.” (/homestuck/172) to 05/19/09 - "TT: Deploy Pre-punched Card.” (/homestuck/181)"

Select this thingy to read my commentary

John is again Phernalia with reckless abandon. While tentacleTherapist [TT] is moving the bathtub to the driveway for some reason. Her plan's interrupted by a lost network connection. The tub falls onto the second floor hallway. Given she had dragged that thing right over John's head it's pretty lucky it didn't fall on him.

TT explains she's been having WiFi issues due to a storm. TT’s mother is on a bit of a bender and she doesn't want to encounter her. She has a strained relationship with her mother as a result of the drinking. John compares his own situation to TT’s. She responds with much sarcastic agreement. Sarcasm he deserves really.

Despite the bad wifi it seems TT is still able to do things. John makes a sad attempt to open the Cruxtruder using a sledge hammer. That seems like a really bad idea given he has no idea what it is or how it works. Despite this TT seems to be onboard and helps him swing the hammer. This.. works!?

A weird flashing spirographic.. thing comes out of the machine. The machine starts a countdown of 4:13 (of course). TT has no idea what this actually means. She was checking Gamefaqs but wasn't able to see anything beyond this point. The entries actually exist! Which of you nerds made that happen?

What TT does know is that John is going to need some "Cruxite" and a punch card. The Cruxite is a blue cylinder which was in the Cruxtruder. The punch card is something TT is able to spawn. They seem to be ignoring the flashy orb floating around seemingly of its own accord. But they didn't ignore the countdown and are very concerned by it. It's a little too flashy and hurts my head.

I think stuff is about to get very crazy very fast, so hold on tight and keep riding the pumpkin tide.

cross-posted from: https://lemmy.world/post/7289366

Today I’m reading.

05/16/09 - "John: Look through telescope.” (/homestuck/162) to 05/17/09 - "==>” (/homestuck/171)"

Select this thingy to read my commentary

So John is checking out the sky in a telescope, not seeing all that much. tentacleTherapist [TT] is cleaning up John's toilet using the game. This fails. John's toilet was ripped out of its floor leaving a huge hole down to his utility room.

John jumps down the hole and onto a dryer. That’s a big jump, down a hole lined with jagged rubble. Dude, use the stairs. Stairs are safer and there is very little chance of falling down them.

Anyway the utility room conveniently has a sledge hammer and Captchalouge Card. John being Hammerkind spec’ed was able to equip it without issue.

GardenGnostic [GG] has come back online. She asked about the green packages she sent, the one still in John's car. Also she says she has no idea what SBURB is. The convection is cut short by an explosion outside of GG’s house. That’s certainly concerning.

In the meantime TT is continuing to “clean” Johns bathroom by ripping out the bathtub and all walls supporting it. How is this place not flooding already?

Till tomorrow keep your pipes in your wall and, keep riding the pumpkin tide.

cross-posted from: https://lemmy.world/post/7236849

Today I’m reading.

05/12/09 - "John: Get the card.” (/homestuck/142) to 05/15/09 - "John: Examine Alchemiter in a cautious manner.” (/homestuck/161)"

Select this thingy to read my commentary

Thankfully, John finds his old FILO stack Modus. Both modi can work as needed sparring John (and us) from further inventory shenanigans. This is a very good thing. Considering his current inventory is just shards of dangerous looking glass. It's a bit too convenient but lets take the win.

Johns father then leaves to get more baking supplies. Somehow ignoring all the mess, destruction and noise his son had produced. The man must really zen out hard when baking. But also I’m a little shocked he wasn’t more prepared. You gotta have your ingredients ready! I say hypocritically having just left for a mid dinner supply run.

tentacleTherapist [TT] is testing the water more by learning the game's limits. She cannot affect items beyond a range of John (looks to be about 20m). She also cannot move John.

She is able to just expand the size of rooms using a resource called grist. Also she has access to some items called Phernalia. I can assume that’s “paraphernalia". This is a collection of items or equipment associated with a particular activity, hobby, or lifestyle. Using this TT is able to help John retrieve his dads PDA.

TT informs John he is also supposed to be hosting a server with a second SBURB CD. Possibly the one in his fathers car under the green package. Which is now gone.

TT deploys the 3 Phernalia at various places in John's house. A Totem Lathe, Cruxtruder, and an Alchemiter. They're related to a punch card system but that’s all we know. For now. Maybe this will make up for the utterly destroyed property value of John’s house.

John has a smart idea to install Pesterchum on his dads PDA. Simple password lock could prevent young punks installing crap on your devices. Though I suppose this proves wifi, or at least mobile is a thing here so that's handy.

John's father is in some sort Serious Business social media thing. John mentions his dad is a Street performer. I supposed the world might be such a crazy place that the idea of a clean cut serious business might be novel. But still is John's dad the harlequin or the business man?

Anyway John is exploring the Alchemiter with 0 caution, and that’s where we’ll leave him

Till tomorrow, Keep riding the pumpkin tide.

cross-posted from: https://lemmy.world/post/7185711

Today we’re crossing the Rubicon.

05/08/09 - "==>” (/homestuck/132) to 05/12/09 - "TT: Drop chest.” (/homestuck/141)"

Select this thingy to read my commentary

So in the red box is a Stuffed Bunny, the authentic one from Con Air. I wonder what that thing would actually go for in auction. Probably more since its appearance in Homestuck. I remember at some point the fandom actually had a few bunnies that got mailed around.

Folks would take pictures with it in crazy places for a few days. Some may patch something to it then send it off to another fan. I thought that was cool but could not afford shipping and I generally avoided the fandom.

Anyway tentacleTherapist [TT] mentions she has some experience involving that bunny bunny but pushes that aside. She says she is the server Host for the SBURB game and John can start playing now. It's pretty odd that John didn't need to configure anything to indicate that TT is the host but let's just go with it.

After a very cool loading sequence we are in? The game is an interface, somewhat reminiscent of the Sims as was the loading sequence. We have a bubbly flash based interface. AAA games sometimes used Flash to make UI layers. Also, the dimetric projection thing is conveniently our point of view in Homestuck. I’m sure we’ll get some more details on what these wacky buttons do later.

For now it seems TT is the “host” in control. And she’s decided to move the John magic chest to the roof. Crazy game so far, I mean you could use it to clean your friends house or rearrange their furniture.

Till tomorrow, Keep riding the pumpkin tide.

cross-posted from: https://lemmy.world/post/7135152

Today I’m reading 20 pages. These went a little faster than other pages.

05/04/09 - "==>” (/homestuck/112) to 05/08/09 - "John: Use the razor on the red package.” (/homestuck/131)"

Select this thingy to read my commentary

John is taking a peek at mspaintadventures.com. Again this is not recommended as it's not an accurate archive now. Oddly, Homestuck can't exist as a web-comic in its own universe. So instead we have something called The Midnight Crew. It looks like Problem Sleuth But John says it's “not as cool as the last one” and moves on. We’ll get back to the gang later, Time for “less meta and more beta”. (did he pronounce it as “bet-ah”?)

Except it's not as it seems there’s a wait to get on the server. Surely this is an issue constrained to the olden days and something we’d have fixed in this modern age.

John decides to finally do something about his crappy modus. He had a giant stack of programming books in his closet. God I hated these things. Schools forced us to buy a metric tonne of this pulp. Since these, for some inexplicable reason, were still sold in the time of the internet. They were entirely useless. Oftentimes we just pirated the PDF so we’d at very least have the convenience of a search function. But usually the answers on stack overflow were available and more up to date. They all also had the CD of free crap on the back. These usually didn't even work.

I noticed one a few days back but there's another black smudge here on 115. It’s only on the old site and not in the newer version of Homestuck. Very odd.

John is about to learn that. Swapping his FILO (first in last out) stack modus with the FIFO (first in first out) stack modus. For the purposes of being an inventory system it seems to be much worse. John also has no idea how to use nearly offing himself with a razor while trying to get to the red package. He also jettisons the PDA, handcuffs, a large book titled “wise guys…”, and a cake all through a window and into his front yard.

How this has not immediately raised concern and alarm to his father is a mystery. Johns clogged a toilet then smashed a window shortly after a bizarre fight. It must seem like he’s having the mother of all tantrums.

But he finally opened the red box from turntechGodhead [TG].

I wonder what's in the box? Till tomorrow, Keep riding the pumpkin tide.

cross-posted from: https://lemmy.world/post/7087054

Today I’m reading

05/01/09 - "John: Get cake on couch.” (/homestuck/102) to 04/30/09 - "John: Open browser and go to mspaintadventures.com” (/homestuck/111)"

Select this thingy to read my commentary

After yesterday thrilling battle and tactical abscond John’s in his living room. He has the SBURB beta and needs to get back to his computer. I guess he’s not concerned that his dad would pop over and try to have a chat about what happened.

Of course John is following the will of the audience and that means he is going to lose focus and faff about.

So we get a quick lesson about how to NOT merge items in a stack. If you want to merge something in a stack the items need to be next to each other in the stack. So in an attempt to combine two cakes he managed to also merge 3 other items forming a mess. I know it's only Betty Crocker cake mix. Which I can get from a dollar store. But, I can't abide wasting cake :(

John decides to go to the bathroom to try and extract useful items from the cake mess. There are some interesting things there. This enforces John's part of Homestuck being a coming of age story. This has nothing to do with the bathroom itself. But, his fond memories with backyard swing-set and pogo-ride. At 13 he’s likely at an age where he is considering growing out of such things. These are also his fathers straight razor. A razor being a symbol of manhood. Straight razors are tough, I used one of those for years and bled a lot.

Anyway John uses the razor and a towel to get the package, SBURB beta, and PDA. He also gets the razor and towel though somehow not dirtied with cake. He also destroyed his toilet clogging it with cake. Poor cake. Then he goes back to his room. I mean that seems to be the only toilet in the house. That's a terrible state to leave it in.

It was at this point shown why A Time to Kill and Failure to Launch are on John's wall. It’s all McConaughey. I had forgotten John was a fan of his, and several other actors. Though this is a “man-bro crush” according to certain experts. I’ve always been terrible at associating actors with the roles they play in movies.

We also got a message from John's 3rd friend. He only has 3, which is a lot these days. gardenGnostic [GG], they were wishing John a happy birthday but it seems John missed them. They seem lovely and are one of my favourite characters because I haven't read beyond cannon.

turntechGodhead [TG] also is chatting. Mostly, TG is insulting John for his decor, and terrible modulus and does not wish to actually play SBURB. It seems he’s been drinking the GameBro Kool Aid pretty hard. We end with John visiting mspaintadventures.com in an act of 4th wall breaking meta.

Till tomorrow maybe We’ll get to play some SBURB, Keep riding the pumpkin tide.

cross-posted from: https://lemmy.world/post/7043793

Today I’m reading a little extra

04/21/09 - "[S] ==>” (/homestuck/82) to 04/30/09 - "John: Exit kitchen” (/homestuck/101)"

Select this thingy to read my commentary

Starting in real and existential. John has a moment. After realizing he is outside in the desolation of his suburban neighborhood. Surrounded by homes but also pretty much in the desert lacking any human interaction. We learn John is only 13 at this point. I can't even remember being 13 but I also lived in a suburb and hated it. There were people there but never my people. It's never a place you belong, it's your home. Though when I got into Homestuck I was in an even more isolated place. I was in a college dorm, I hated everyone. Having left what family and friends I could connect with in a city far from where I was. I was so very alone.

"Absence diminishes little passions and increases great ones, as wind extinguishes candles and fans a fire." -~~Walt Whitman~~ (it’s actually Francois de La Rochefoucauld)

Anyway after these dreadful thoughts John gets back to the mission at hand. He does notice a green package in his dads car. But he also sees one with the SBURB logo in the Kitchen. John has no choices left, he must face his father if he wants to get that package. Father is about what you’d expect. A gentleman with a pipe and a fedora. This was possibly from a time before the whole neckbeard thing.

The disguise fails pretty much immediately. I figured his dad would at least play along a bit but I guess not. This can only mean it's time to => STRIFE! (Strife meaning conflict). These occur occasionally during Homestuck, interactive action sequences with combat.

This one comes with another classic piece of Homestuck music. We have 2 options Aggreive (to make someone unhappy and angry) and Abjure (to say formally or publicly that you no longer agree with a belief or way of behaving). Neither option works. Father has a Auto-Pastry and CoddleBrand which John can dodge.

That may be the issue in their relationship. There’s no mom figure and father has become a major coddler. I didn't have this myself. But, the idea of a coddled child becoming isolated and weird is a bit of trope at this point.

Anyway, John is in utter peril, at this point. He’s unable to win the strife or Abscond (Run away) with the package. Father prepares a powerful move, cream pie in hand. I can't lie to you all this fight is making me want a cake, but we must go overtime here and do 20 pages. A bold defense from John. He uses the terrible disguise to deflect some of the humiliation damage dealt from the pie toss. He manages to pull off a Accede (to agree to do what people have asked you to do) move to disarm his father of the large cake. This causes the Colonels Sassacre’s to pop out and trigger the smoke bombs. Allowing him to Abscond. He manages to get the red package, pushing out the captchalogue card and activating it. Also John gets the SBURB beta, and even swipes his dads PDA. For younger folks a PDA is a Personal digital assistant, or Palm Pilot. In the days before smartphones these were devices for folks to keep track of scheduling. Kinda rude of John to take that.

Even more rude leaving his father in the kitchen to clean up the mess as John escapes back to the living room.

Till tomorrow, take a deep breath and keep riding the pumpkin tide.