Funny

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For things that are actually funny, and not political.

founded 1 year ago
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Alice@hilariouschaos.com
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What do you get if you cross a snowman and a vampire? (hilariouschaos.com)
submitted 1 hour ago by white_fox34@hilariouschaos.com to c/funny@hilariouschaos.com
0 comments fedilink
 
 

Frostbite!

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Why don't oysters donate to charity? (hilariouschaos.com)
submitted 1 day ago by white_fox34@hilariouschaos.com to c/funny@hilariouschaos.com
0 comments fedilink
 
 

Because they are shellfish!

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Why do elephants never use computers? (hilariouschaos.com)
submitted 2 days ago by white_fox34@hilariouschaos.com to c/funny@hilariouschaos.com
3 comments fedilink
 
 

They're afraid of the mouse!

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Why did the barber win an award? (hilariouschaos.com)
submitted 3 days ago by white_fox34@hilariouschaos.com to c/funny@hilariouschaos.com
0 comments fedilink
 
 

Because he knew how to make the cut!

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Why did the chicken go to the seance? (hilariouschaos.com)
submitted 4 days ago by white_fox34@hilariouschaos.com to c/funny@hilariouschaos.com
0 comments fedilink
 
 

To talk to the other side!

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What did the buffalo say to his son when he left for college? (hilariouschaos.com)
submitted 5 days ago by white_fox34@hilariouschaos.com to c/funny@hilariouschaos.com
0 comments fedilink
 
 

Bison!

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Why did the invisible man turn down the job offer? (hilariouschaos.com)
submitted 6 days ago by white_fox34@hilariouschaos.com to c/funny@hilariouschaos.com
0 comments fedilink
 
 

He couldn’t see himself doing it!

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Why don't bananas ever feel lonely? (hilariouschaos.com)
submitted 1 week ago by white_fox34@hilariouschaos.com to c/funny@hilariouschaos.com
0 comments fedilink
 
 

Because they hang out in bunches!

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Why do ducks have feathers? (hilariouschaos.com)
submitted 1 week ago by white_fox34@hilariouschaos.com to c/funny@hilariouschaos.com
1 comments fedilink
 
 

To cover their butt quacks!

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What do you call an apology written in dots and dashes? (hilariouschaos.com)
submitted 1 week ago by white_fox34@hilariouschaos.com to c/funny@hilariouschaos.com
0 comments fedilink
 
 

Re-morse code!

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Why did the stadium get hot? (hilariouschaos.com)
submitted 1 week ago by white_fox34@hilariouschaos.com to c/funny@hilariouschaos.com
0 comments fedilink
 
 

Because all the fans left!

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Why did the cyclist bring a ladder to the race? (hilariouschaos.com)
submitted 1 week ago by white_fox34@hilariouschaos.com to c/funny@hilariouschaos.com
0 comments fedilink
 
 

Because he heard the competition was stiff!

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Why don't skeletons fight over candy? (hilariouschaos.com)
submitted 1 week ago by white_fox34@hilariouschaos.com to c/funny@hilariouschaos.com
0 comments fedilink
 
 

They just don’t have the stomach for it!

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What do you call a fish wearing a bowtie? (hilariouschaos.com)
submitted 2 weeks ago by white_fox34@hilariouschaos.com to c/funny@hilariouschaos.com
0 comments fedilink
 
 

Sofishticated!

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Why do cows have bells? (hilariouschaos.com)
submitted 2 weeks ago by white_fox34@hilariouschaos.com to c/funny@hilariouschaos.com
0 comments fedilink
 
 

Because their horns don't work!

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Why did the scarecrow win an award? (hilariouschaos.com)
submitted 2 weeks ago by white_fox34@hilariouschaos.com to c/funny@hilariouschaos.com
0 comments fedilink
 
 

Because he was outstanding in his field!

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Why don't scientists trust stairs? (hilariouschaos.com)
submitted 2 weeks ago by white_fox34@hilariouschaos.com to c/funny@hilariouschaos.com
0 comments fedilink
 
 

Because they're always up to something!

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Why are ghosts such bad liars? (hilariouschaos.com)
submitted 2 weeks ago by white_fox34@hilariouschaos.com to c/funny@hilariouschaos.com
0 comments fedilink
 
 

Because you can see right through them!

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Why did the barber win the race? (hilariouschaos.com)
submitted 2 weeks ago by white_fox34@hilariouschaos.com to c/funny@hilariouschaos.com
0 comments fedilink
 
 

He knew all the short cuts!

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Why can't your nose be 12 inches long? (hilariouschaos.com)
submitted 2 weeks ago by white_fox34@hilariouschaos.com to c/funny@hilariouschaos.com
0 comments fedilink
 
 

Because then it would be a foot!

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Why don't scientists trust atoms? (hilariouschaos.com)
submitted 2 weeks ago by white_fox34@hilariouschaos.com to c/funny@hilariouschaos.com
0 comments fedilink
 
 

Because they make up everything!

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After interviewing a particularly short-spoken job candidate, I described the person to my boss as rather monosyllabic. My boss said, (hilariouschaos.com)
submitted 3 weeks ago by Alice@hilariouschaos.com to c/funny@hilariouschaos.com
0 comments fedilink
 
 

"Really? Where is Monosyllabia?". Thinking that he was just kidding, I played along and said that it was just south of Elbonia. He replied, "Oh, you mean over by Croatia?"

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I was signing the receipt for my credit card purchase when the clerk noticed that I had never signed my name on the back of the credit card. (hilariouschaos.com)
submitted 3 weeks ago by Alice@hilariouschaos.com to c/funny@hilariouschaos.com
0 comments fedilink
 
 

She informed me that she could not complete the transaction unless the card was signed. When I asked why, she explained that it was necessary to compare the signature on the credit card with the signature I just signed on the receipt. So I signed the credit card in front of her. She carefully compared that signature to the one I signed on the receipt. As luck would have it, they matched.

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What's the difference between a hippo and a zippo? (hilariouschaos.com)
submitted 3 weeks ago by Alice@hilariouschaos.com to c/funny@hilariouschaos.com
0 comments fedilink
 
 

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.

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A hunter visited another hunter and was given a tour of his home. (hilariouschaos.com)
submitted 3 weeks ago by Alice@hilariouschaos.com to c/funny@hilariouschaos.com
0 comments fedilink
 
 

Ibn the den was a stuffed lion. The visiting hunter asked, "when did you bag him?" The host said, "that was three years ago, when I went hunting with my wife." "What's he stuffed with," asked the visiting hunter. "My wife."

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