this post was submitted on 21 Jun 2023
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Gaming

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So, hear me out.

I'm a 47 year old guy and I'm not ashamed to say that I enjoy video games. I always have, from playing Head over Heels on a Speccy +2 to ESO and Valorant on my self built PC.

Due to various life circumstances, I'm also on the dating scene and to most women I meet, around my age, video games are anathema. When I say that I like them it's usually meet with an "oh dear" or a "my son would probably love to talk to you about them, I find them really boring"

I have two boys, both teenagers, both play all the time and sometimes we all play together (although they are better as they have more time to apply to games). Their friends are amazed that I will talk about games with them, that I know someone about games and that I play games. None of their parents want to talk with them about what is effectively their main hobby that they do all the time (big sad).

So the question, there must be some sort of cut off age at which video games are no longer an acceptable pastime. Is it absolute age based (nothing after 35) or is it something to do with the progression of games into popular culture and people born after, say, 1986 will not see it as unacceptable?

I don't have an answer, I just think it's an interesting question. Thanks for reading, let me know what you think!

Edit to add: I'm not planning on stopping through peer pressure, just wondering about the phenomenon!

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[–] benji@kbin.social 1 points 2 years ago

53 here, not playing online multiplayer anymore (frustrated with being unable to compete at the same level due to work stress, and time commitments in general), but I do have 4 digit hours of Civilization. Thinking back, almost 20 years ago I got anti-gaming vibes from my peer group. Fuck 'em, do what you want.

[–] candid@board.minimally.online 1 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago)

While I do think there's probably more younger people across the spectrum playing games than older folk, I still think you can find the person you're looking for. It's definitely become more socially acceptable I think for younger generations it's just become a more normal thing integrated into social life. Oh we can't go out? I'm down for some Minecraft or Animal Crossing, etc. I've known lots of women over the years that were "cool" and "attractive" but were heavy into video games. Older folk in general skew towards thinking they are damaging or juvenile. We had recently pitched a club at my library district, but once it reached the older board people, they didn't understand why one would even pose the idea in such an "institution," totally missing why gaming can be an incredibly nourishing hobby for everyone in some form. But yeah, even at my job I tend to find most older women roll their eyes at the thought of video games (I work with mostly middle aged women 40-60 with a few younger aged folk sprinkled in there). Games as a hobby has become more progressive aiming for all sorts of people, Fortnite, Roblox, Minecraft, etc. have all broken down a lot of walls for younger generations. Obviously misogyny is gonna still exist thanks to how early gaming marketing skewed perspective of video games as well as shooters and their tone being heavily ostracizing to women. Games like Fortnite let you gun down Goku as Ariana Grande, and shit like that does go a long ways to reaching different people.

Also things like the Last of Us have done lots to away perception away from games being overtly masculine and edgy, to telling serious stories with mature/complex themes. The fact that show got a HBO series that reached many "non gamers" is huge. Whether or not you think it's good for the overall health of what games are is a different topic, but I think there is such massive spectrum now from mobile, to indie, to AAA, to community run live service games, etc. that nowadays there's an ocean of people who don't have a weird perception of gaming like the 90's and early 2000s and that will continue to change and get better as generations progress.

Sorry if this feels a bit off topic, wasn't super related to dating. As others have said, it's good to have hobby diversity, if your one and only deep interest is video games as a grown ass adult, women will be skeptical. Especially if they're seeking a partner for life. Being able to cook, clean, talk about different things, engage with different hobbies in general gives you more appeal to a wider pool of people. There's a reason why the typical "gamer" has a non date able perception, and that's because they wear as a badge for their entire identity. It's the nerd equivalent of being a truck dude who rocks Ford as the face of their identity.

[–] SpikesOtherDog@ani.social 1 points 2 years ago

Do what you want!

Assuming you aren't ignoring other obligations, gaming is completely acceptable.

Anything else is pretentious.

[–] realitista@lemm.ee 1 points 2 years ago

I'm 50. I just don't talk about it unless I secretly find out that my friends game. Acually a lot of them do. But, yeah, I don't talk to girls about it. Though sometimes you might find one that's into it.

[–] Alstjbin@kbin.social 1 points 2 years ago (1 children)

I'm in my fourties. I've fought clanwars in MoHAA with my now wife. We've spent an embarrasing amount of time raiding in WoW and by now we've had servers running for Ark, Valheim and Vrising with our daughter. She's more into Roblox though..

[–] zedtronic@kbin.social 1 points 2 years ago (1 children)

Roblox over Valheim with the spouse? Sorry to hear about your divorce...

[–] BailOrgana@kbin.social 1 points 2 years ago (1 children)

I suspect he meant the daughter was more into Roblox, not the wife.

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[–] Tashlan@kbin.social 1 points 2 years ago (4 children)

I don't think there's an age cut off, I just think you got into the hobby when it was niche and your peers didn't. I'm an NES-generation video game player and I don't really know anyone my age who doesn't at least have a gamer in their household. On the other end, I don't know a single person who has a cable subscription.

[–] raspberry_confetti@kbin.social 1 points 2 years ago

Same and same

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[–] LennethAegis@kbin.social 1 points 2 years ago

I'm a woman in my mid 30s, I play games. My partner also plays games. My closest friends all play games. All of them 30+ women. I definitely see this as a thing that becomes more common as you go into future generations, not as an age thing. Specially as more and more people grow up surrounded by video games, even if only on their phones.

[–] SidewaysHighways@beehaw.org 1 points 2 years ago (1 children)

Close to 40 here and game is life.

If I meet someone new and they don't game I'm like "oh." and ask them politely, yet firmly to leave.

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[–] Venutianxspring@lemmy.fmhy.ml 1 points 2 years ago

I'm almost 40 and still game regularly, although not as much as I would like. I treat it like anything else and honestly couldn't care less what anyone else thinks about it. If you enjoy gaming then don't let anyone stop you.

[–] dedale@kbin.social 1 points 2 years ago

Around 26, it's biological adulthood.

[–] Hotzilla@sopuli.xyz 1 points 2 years ago

I am almost 40 also, and game alot. One thing to remember that our generation is the first to actually game their whole life, nes etc made gaming popular.

Older generations haven't had mainstream gaming, so it is wierd to think people born in 50-60 to game, because games didn't exist when they were young. We on the other hand have grown with the games.

So I think from ten year on, it will be normal to have LAN parties in your elderly home.

[–] Wage_Slave@kbin.social 1 points 2 years ago

Oh dude, what you need to do is start collecting video games.

As I grew up i found myself still playing. Not wanting to stop. Looking at it from a far more mature perspective than i ever had before and thought "Fuck it, horde video games" and these days it is on the same level as those who collect comic books. Can be seen as an albeit childish hobby, but is recognized as also an investment. I mean, my collection of video games is insured for more than new sedan.

Much like dad who collected hot wheels, mom has hutch of ultra expensive china, you have your games and can explain and tell stories in much greater and entertaining details than any tin car. I mean, explain Last of us, or Hentai vs. Evil, it's gonna be a better story than "It's a tbird"

[–] Roko@lemmy.click 1 points 2 years ago

It's a relatively new form of entertainment. Books, theater, movies and TV all have had more time to develop and become culturally relevant. Video games are young and have had a steep growth curve in terms of innovation, scope, and market share. I feel it will become more and more common for older folks to play games and it will become more and more acceptable and normal. I feel that mobile gaming is legit also and people might not realize that their Candy Crush or Solitaire games are video games! It's a wide and versatile type of entertainment so the people who consume it will be as well.

[–] FIST_FILLET@kbin.social 1 points 2 years ago

there is no shame in liking games, but it's a pretty big turn-off for many people because of negative stereotypes (especially in your age range). do yourself a favor and find another hobby to talk to people about (music, films, exercise), and then once you're close with them and they won't immediately discard you based on those stereotypes, you can start to share that part of yourself
OR you can keep being totally upfront about gaming being your #1 hobby and hope that you'll meet your soulmate who happens to share the exact same passion. either way, good luck :)

[–] klenow@kbin.social 1 points 2 years ago (1 children)

I'm 50. I've been gaming since my Dad won a Pong console at a work thing. I still love gaming, and so do a lot of other older men. Hell, the discussion at the lunch table at work today was about all the shit people are doing in Zelda. This was a group of 4 guys, all well over 30 (except one guy who just turned 30), all very successful..

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[–] rebul@kbin.social 1 points 2 years ago

In my 50s, I still play video games, but interests have changed. I used to love MMOs (WoW, Eve Online), but just don't like the grind anymore. I've switched to playing card games, specifically rogue type dungeon crawlers; Slay The Spire, Obelisk. This scratches my gaming itch and doesn't have any commitment level. Find a partner that games, they are out there.

[–] RonniesaurusHex@kbin.social 1 points 2 years ago

Born before 86 and it's one of my main hobbies. A large percentage of my friends are gamers of various kinds. I don't think there's a cut off, just people that get too caught up in defining what adulthood is and not letting fun and individuality be part of it.

[–] JDPoZ@beehaw.org 0 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago)

Stealing my old comment from the place that shall not be named in response to a similar question asked there by someone in a comparable situation to share here due to relevancy - A person had replied to the OP question declaring that "women didn't respect men's hobbies" so I said :


Perhaps there is a more useful way to frame things…

How about instead :

“It’s somewhat common for people with some level of disfunction within their intimate relationships to be okay living their entire lives with a partner essentially dictating what is ‘acceptable’ in their lives together in such a way that is uncompromising for said other partner - who then feels like they are not deserving of the things that make them happy. This is unhealthy as it builds resentment and encourages dishonesty and ‘going around’ set boundaries only really agreed upon by one party.”

The takeaway should not be : “Women have no respect for men’s hobbies.”

There are plenty of women who love games, and plenty of men who don’t.

The takeaway should be : “Partners in an intimate relationship should have enough love and respect for one another that they can truly find middle ground with issues they disagree on - while at the same time trying to better empathize, communicate, and enrich each others’ lives. If you and your partner disagree on where gaming should be as an aspect of your personal hobbies and interests, a reasonable compromise should be discussed.”

I am a guy at the same age. My spouse doesn’t really game much… but we have our video games in the living room, as that allows me to enjoy our home theater setup for single player type and online multiplayer gaming between my fellow parent gamers and myself, while also allowing us as a family to play certain games like Mario Kart and Castle Crashers together across seating that is comfortable and roomy.

My partner loves me and wants me to be happy. And I want them to be happy. If you aren’t happy with the arrangement currently set… talk about it. If they can’t meet you in the middle… then decide if it’s worth it to continue discussing it or not and go forward.

Really that’s a foundational aspect of healthy relationships… communication, respect, and a hope that you help make the other happy and feel supported.

A relationship without that foundation will likely eventually fail.

[–] Sneckster@kbin.social 0 points 2 years ago (1 children)

1976 boy here. Grew up playing on the BBC and sat waiting patiently for starfield.

Never too old.

Other people's judgement should never get in the way of a good hobby and giving yourself downtime.

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