ADHD

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A casual community for people with ADHD

Values:

Acceptance, Openness, Understanding, Equality, Reciprocity.

Rules:

No abusive, derogatory, or offensive post/comments.
No porn, gore, spam, or advertisements allowed.
Do not request for donations.
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Do not gatekeep or diagnose.
Mark NSFW content accordingly.
No racism, homophobia, sexism, ableism, or ageism.
Respectful venting, including dealing with oppressive neurotypical culture, is okay.
Discussing other neurological problems like autism, anxiety, ptsd, and brain injury are allowed.
Discussions regarding medication are allowed as long as you are describing your own situation and not telling others what to do (only qualified medical practitioners can prescribe medication).

Encouraged:

Funny memes.
Welcoming and accepting attitudes.
Questions on confusing situations.
Seeking and sharing support.
Engagement in our values.

Relevant Lemmy communities:

Neurodivergent Life Hacks

lemmy.world/c/adhd will happily promote other ND communities as long as said communities demonstrate that they share our values.

founded 2 years ago

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MrPoopyButthole@lemmy.world

MrPoopyButthole@lemmy.dbzer0.com

when you are arguing but then other person claims to have agreed the whole time and asking why you are acting like there's a disagreement (lemmy.dbzer0.com)

submitted 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago) by work_towards@lemmy.dbzer0.com to c/adhd@lemmy.world

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When I challenge something the other person said then they get upset and we start arguing. But then they change their position to agree with me. And claim to have held the same position as I do from the start.

So now I am the asshole for arguing when we agree on everything!!

Everybody has ADHD and I don't think it's on purpose. I just won the argument very thoroughly and this is what it looks like. I feel like I have to get a written record of what the other person is saying before I respond so they don't accuse me of starting an argument over literally nothing.

(And I have 3rd party witness who confirms my view of the situation is not skewed.)

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[–] work_towards@lemmy.dbzer0.com 1 points 1 day ago (1 children)

I have no reason to believe it is deliberate. If it is deliberate, it is very poorly executed because my reality is unscathed. I think it is a self defense mechanism about the other person's internal stuff than it is about controlling or abusing me. It isn't abusive, so much as very very annoying.

[–] atrielienz@lemmy.world 1 points 16 hours ago

You:

A. sought another third party out to verify your view of the situation (not including the people in this forum).

B. have stated that you always end up feeling like the jerk in these interactions because they make you feel like you're the one who did something wrong by "starting an argument with them when they agree with you".

C. made a post asking for the input of people who don't know you, or this other person and don't have the intimate details of the situation to get our take on what is happening .

There seems to be an assumption here that gaslighting must be a deliberate act where the person doing it is aware of exactly what they are doing and why. That's not really how it works though. There's two parts to gaslighting and they're pretty simple. The person who is doing it is trying to change the other person's view of reality and somehow that change results in a payoff of some kind for that person.

However I am willing to admit that there is the potential for something else to be going on here and several other people have brought up alternative POV's that may be more relevant to your situation.