this post was submitted on 19 Jul 2025
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Gaslighting?
that's not what gaslighting means.
You start a conversation by arguing. Once it becomes clear that your argument is not the winning argument you change your tune and act like it was not in fact your argument so you don't feel like you've lost.
This is literally you deliberately manipulating the situation in order to affect the other person's view of reality. That's the definition of gaslighting.
Edit: Just wanted to make it clear that when I say "you" I don't mean you, op. Just my way of phrasing the hypothetical.
I have no reason to believe it is deliberate. If it is deliberate, it is very poorly executed because my reality is unscathed. I think it is a self defense mechanism about the other person's internal stuff than it is about controlling or abusing me. It isn't abusive, so much as very very annoying.
You:
A. sought another third party out to verify your view of the situation (not including the people in this forum).
B. have stated that you always end up feeling like the jerk in these interactions because they make you feel like you're the one who did something wrong by "starting an argument with them when they agree with you".
C. made a post asking for the input of people who don't know you, or this other person and don't have the intimate details of the situation to get our take on what is happening .
There seems to be an assumption here that gaslighting must be a deliberate act where the person doing it is aware of exactly what they are doing and why. That's not really how it works though. There's two parts to gaslighting and they're pretty simple. The person who is doing it is trying to change the other person's view of reality and somehow that change results in a payoff of some kind for that person.
However I am willing to admit that there is the potential for something else to be going on here and several other people have brought up alternative POV's that may be more relevant to your situation.