Off topic? : 80+ year old friend asked me if he did wrong. As he tells it, when dining out, his waitress announced her pronouns were she/her. That was fine by him. Later, he says he asked, "Could you get me a refill on my iced tea?" He says her reply was hostile, "How rude! I told you my pronouns!" He was truly baffled. He did not know how to use her pronouns in a 'you' context. I told him he was fine and if it ever came up again, to shoot back with, "Excuse me Miss, but I didn't ask some other HER for a refill, I asked you, and 'you', 'thee' and 'thou' include all genders." Maybe I'm ignorant of some new usage, but from grammar stance, I can't make she/her fit into his request and am fine with 'you'.

[–] Evkob@lemmy.ca 7 points 1 day ago (1 children)

I don't want to doubt your 80 year old friend, but I'm doubting your 80 year old friend.

I use they/them pronouns and work in the service industry. I've also worked with a few other trans people. That story is basically the opposite of how trans people act in public at their jobs, in my experience. We'll only every really correct people who misgender us if they're regulars and give off an OK vibe.

For me or anyone I know to call out a customer and tell them they're being rude would require something really egregious.

If the story is at all true, I'd bet your friend called her "sir" or something when asking for the refill.

[–] memfree@beehaw.org 2 points 23 hours ago

I appreciate your skepticism and if I was randomly hearing the tale online, I would probably make the same conclusion. Personally, I believe the guy based on how I've seen him treat people for over 40 years and his general politics/world-view. If he'd said it happened to someone else, or if he hadn't seemed so confused and saddened when he asked me if he was wrong, maybe I'd feel different. As it is, I can imagine his shock at being accused may have lead him to exaggerate how hostile the waitress was, but mostly I'm thinking @Skua@kbin.earth is correct that it was just a case of mishearing what was said.

[–] dabaldeagul 12 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Lol wtf did she mean..? It's not like your friend said "Hey can you call that waitress over there? I want to ask him for a drink"... I'm so confused as to what she expected in this scenario, and I say this as someone who uses they/them pronouns (not some weird "anti-woke" extremist)

[–] memfree@beehaw.org 2 points 1 day ago

Thank you :-)

[–] Skua@kbin.earth 9 points 1 day ago (1 children)

That's got to be a case of her mishearing something, surely? He didn't do anything wrong at all, her response is completely mystifying

[–] memfree@beehaw.org 1 points 1 day ago

I'm hoping that's what happened because I don't know what else she could have expected.

[–] skisnow@lemmy.ca 8 points 1 day ago

I live in Southeast Asia where almost every language does not use gendered third person pronouns, but there’s still a tiny subset of people trying to push pronoun-related culture war bullshit. It’s confusing and surreal.